Alex: Show must go on
Since his ego-bruising election defeat, Alex Salmond has refused to slope off and lick his wounds. Instead, he’s on the Fringe... and plotting a political return
DEEP into the longest night of his political life Alex Salmond climbed on to a stage and listened to a victory speech that was not his. In 30 years of fighting elections this had never happened.
The established practice was he spoke first and tried to keep a lid on the bravado while the also-rans quietly made their peace with an outcome they had never seriously doubted.
What must have hurt the former First Minister in those early hours of June 9 was that this outcome was not meant to be in doubt either. What probably hurt more was the winner was a Tory, a candidate he soundly thrashed in the same seat two years earlier.
Even losing the independence referendum in 2014 was less humiliating than this. This was a personal rejection in his own North East fiefdom – uncharted territory for the totemic figure of Scottish nationalism.
But few seasoned Salmond-watchers will have been surprised by his response to the unexpected invitation to leave the political stage – or that he chose to express it through a dusty line from 19th century Scottish literature.
‘So laugh, false Whigs, in the midst of your glee, you have not seen the last of my bonnets and me,’ he promised, slightly misquoting a poem by Walter Scott.
This, surely, was a defiant message to political opponents, particularly the Tories, who were indeed in excellent spirits after Colin Clark’s victory in Gordon. It was a prize fighter’s vow to return, and conquer and reclaim what was lost. Or was it a puff for his new career in showbiz? This week certainly brought fresh perspective on Mr Salmond’s parting shot on that dismal night in Aberdeen. The big comeback, it turns out, is at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.
Yes, the foremost Scottish politician of his era is putting on a light-hearted, banter-filled show called Alex Salmond Unleashed next month, majoring on the idea that, now that he is in the political wilderness, he is free to speak his mind at long last.
‘Ever wondered what Scotland’s longestserving First Minister really thinks?’ goes the publicity blurb. ‘Well, now’s your chance.’ Even for those with only a passing interest in knowing them, Mr Salmond’s opinions have not exactly been hidden under a bushel these past 30 years. Through his own memoirs, a phone-in radio show, copious newspaper columns, countless interviews – not to mention the daily publicity afforded a party leader and government head – his views are among the most amply expressed and widely digested of any Scot alive.
Yet, convinced the public appetite for them remains undiminished, he will offer more opinions to those prepared to pay £22.50 for a ticket to the Assembly Rooms to hear them.
‘I have always fancied a spot at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe and this is going to be lots of fun,’ Mr Salmond said. ‘Obviously in the show there will be lots about politics but the emphasis will be very much on the lighter side.’
There will be guests, too – secret, unannounced ones (avoiding the embarrassment of announcing them, some uncharitably suggest).
‘I suspect some people might be taken aback at the range of friends whom I invite along,’ Mr Salmond said.
To help him to achieve this smooth transition into chummy repartee, Mr Salmond has invited a chum or two with experience in the business to help him out. Notably, there is Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh, with whom the former First Minister has lately found much in common.
Both became MPs in the year 2015 and both were SNP representatives on the Council of Europe, attending meetings together in Strasbourg thereafter. Both lost their seats last month and both decided that, nevertheless, those Strasbourg sojourns need not end just yet.
Both were at the ‘talking shop’ on June 27, for example, and are eligible to claim costs of up to £1,600 from the taxpayer despite being voted out of elected office.
Both turned up at the Sky News studios in London to be interviewed separately about unrelated matters on Thursday morning. The former MPs were on the screen within minutes of each other.
It may seem little surprise, then, that both chums are involved with Alex Salmond Unleashed, particularly given that Mrs Ahmed-Sheikh once did a bit of acting for a Pakistani drama series in the 1990s.
Not all commentary on the matter has been without mischief, however. Conservative MSP Murdo Fraser tweeted: ‘It’s almost like they’re inseparable.’
Certainly, few of Mr Salmond’s political colleagues expected to see a dignified retreat to the Aberdeen- shire mill house he shares with his wife Moira, now 79, there to potter in the garden shed.
‘Without politics,’ one MSP said of him, ‘Salmond would have nothing. He exists only for politics.’
But his obsession is not the only factor at play. The other major one, say those who know him best, is his ego. Mr Salmond himself suggested as much when he reflected this week to Adam Boulton on Sky News that, until this year, he had won nine out of nine constituency votes, both at Westminster and Holyrood elections. Now, it was nine out of ten and, before calling time on his career, he would like to make it ten out of 11.
Make no mistake then. Alex Salmond is determined to return to elected politics. But can he? And what to do in the meantime?
With his party now appearing increasingly embattled and uninspired, some in the Nationalist movement can think of worthier uses of his time than a spot at the Edinburgh Fringe.
Former SNP deputy leader Jim Sillars, whose relationship with Mr Salmond has not always been easy, said: ‘It would help enormously if Alex had a period of reflection on his time as the leader of the party and as First Minister because, obviously, while he made great strides forward, nevertheless we lost the 2014 referendum and he was a factor in that.
‘I would have hoped that Alex would go in for a period of serious reflection and then use his position within the party to drive forward a policy review, which I think is urgently needed.
‘I would prefer he did that than appear on the Fringe.’
He added: ‘I just don’t think it’s a sensible thing for him to do – either individually or with a view to returning to the front line. If it’s going to be revelations about people then he’ll start to make more enemies than he’s got at the present time.
‘Every major politician has opponents and enemies and Alex has got his fair share of them, and so have I, but if you engage in what I understand is going to be the situation at this Fringe show then you’re going to make more enemies than friends.’
But then, as Mr Sillars accepts, he and Mr Salmond are very different political animals. From photo ops with Sir Sean Connery to sing-songs with Sandi Thom, the former First Minister has always found showbiz irresistible.
He has much in common, perhaps, with other politicians who have appeared in Edinburgh Fringe shows over the years – Tommy Sheridan, George Galloway, Lembit Opik, Gyles Brandreth.
‘All of them have very distinctive egos,’ Mr Sillars said. ‘That probably applies to Alex as well.
‘He has a distinctive ego and it may be that the desire to be in public overrides what I regard as much more serious issues to be addressed, which very often can only be addressed in private policy groups where you have free thinking and brainstorming going on.’ Now
‘Without politics, Salmond would have nothing’ ‘A distinctive ego and desire to be in public’
‘Adversaries will be quaking in their boots’
aged 62 and smarting from constituency defeat for the first time in his career, that Salmond ego may be going for the quick fix.
‘There is nothing worse than losing your seat,’ Mr Sillars said. ‘It’s quite a blow, but it’s a big wide wonderful world out there outside of the House of Commons.
‘Of course, in the initial period you tend to feel pretty low and the rejection of an electorate is a different kind of rejection to anything else in the world. But he’ll get over that.’
He added: ‘I hope he gets back into elected office because, whatever differences I have with Alex they have been policy ones, and I’ve never suggested anything other than that he was extremely talented in political terms.
‘It would be a great shame for Scotland if a talent like his was permanently wasted and I don’t believe that is likely to happen.’
Closer Nationalist colleagues take a gentler line on Mr Salmond’s flirtation with showbiz.
‘It’s great to see that he’s going to be sharing his mischievous thoughts and his commentary on life at the Edinburgh Fringe,’ said Richard Lochhead, MSP for Moray, who served in Mr Salmond’s Cabinet as Rural Affairs Minister.
‘Alex has so much personality that there will be much that has not been on show.’
He added: ‘He is an intriguing individual and one of his big strengths has been his huge sense of humour. While the public have had some insight into that over the years, especially at events like Burns suppers, where his sharp wit has always been admired, maybe they’ll see more of that coming to the fore given that he’s out of office and freer to be candid.’
Will the former minister be catching the show?
‘It sounds fascinating and I’d love to have the opportunity to go and see him,’ he said. ‘Given Alex’s sharp wit, which will now be unrestrained, if I were one of his former political adversaries I’d be quaking in my boots – or at least slightly nervous.’
None of these adversaries is owning up to any such trepidation, of course.
‘If Alex Salmond really wants to have a Fringe crowd in tears of laughter, he should just stand up and read out his independence White Paper,’ a Scottish Labour spokesman said.
Scottish Conservative deputy leader Jackson Carlaw said: ‘Only Alex Salmond would have the ego to think he could be an attractive fixture at the world’s biggest comedy festival. The crowds will almost certainly be laughing at him rather than with him.
‘And it seems he’s recruiting other ousted SNP MPs to help out. Next we’ll have Angus Robertson selling the half-time macaroon bars.’
Their mocking tone shows how far Mr Salmond’s star has fallen. Less than three years ago he was easily the most feared adversary in Scottish politics.
But, as one Holyrood insider commented, the derision aimed at the SNP’s most iconic figure is at least partly informed by disillusionment within his own party.
‘In the SNP there is a sense now that Salmond and Sturgeon no longer walk on water,’ the source said. ‘The activists were happy to go to the rallies and raise their foam fingers at those huge events when they were winning stonking majorities. But now they’re looking at those two and thinking, “You know what, they don’t walk on water”.
‘These activists are the people pounding the pavements and stuffing leaflets through doors. They expect results and Salmond can’t keep dining out on 2007 and 2011 election victories. They are bitterly disappointed with what happened in the election and want the party to have a policy overhaul.
‘A lot of them will just see Salmond as a distraction.’
Many others will see another Salmond comeback as highly symbolic. It was, after all, after he returned to lead the party in 2004 that he set the SNP on course for government and took Scotland to within a whisker of independence.
The man himself said: ‘After 30 years in this profession I know that the wheel turns, and can turn sometimes unexpectedly and very quickly. As I said on election night, I suggested the false Whigs should pause in their glee because they have not seen the last of my bonnet and me.’
On with the show then. The political landscape, unquestionably, would be duller without him.