The one lesson I’ve learned from life

Presenter Penny Smith

Born in nottinghamshire, Penny Smith, 58, was a presenter on GMTV for 17 years. She now hosts a Talkradio show and the radio 2 Playlist. Divorced, she lives in London with her actor boyfriend, Vince Leigh, 48.

TRAGEDY REVEALS YOUR TRUE FRIENDS

WHEN my lovely older brother died aged 52 in Nairobi nine years ago, it was such a terrible shock. He had been working abroad as general manager of a hotel in Uganda and contracted hepatitis B.

I flew out with my sister and our other halves, but because he’d survived so many other things — including a major motorbike smash at 18 and cerebral malaria in Mali — we just expected he’d pull through. By the time we arrived, though, he was already on a life support machine. He died a week later.

It was the first time anyone extraordinarily close to me had died. That’s when you discover who your friends are — they know the right things to say. I’ll always remember the most brilliant text my friend Mariella [Frostrup] sent me when I was out there. She reminded me what a great life my brother had led, and how important it was that we had all been there. It was a blissful text to receive when I was feeling inconsolable.

Your real friends are the people who step up to the plate when it’s needed. They’re the ones who know instinctively what you need. When you’re frazzled, they’re like wraparound hugs. They pull you through the bad parts of life.

They don’t have to say anything profound, but it just stops you descending into total grief and reminds you this is the circle of life. We will all leave it eventually. But sadly, some people go earlier.

Lots of people have great friends from childhood, but I didn’t. I moved around too much. It wasn’t until I first came to London that I started putting down roots. The friends I made then are the ones I still have.

The one thing I would say is that your 50s are when you have to put the effort into friendship. You don’t have to have non-stop conversations, but you need to remind people what you’re up to, so it doesn’t feel as if you’ve hit them with a decade’s worth of life in a 20- minute conversation over coffee. Never forget the importance of connections.

Penny is supporting Age UK tackling loneliness on national Friendship Day, August 6, ageuk.org.uk