Ephraim Hardcastle
a FICtIonaL story appears online about a 2018 military coup against President Donald trump. author Kurt schlichter writes: ‘the coup-friendly commander had his Marines from the infantry school at Quantico (Virginia) getting organised into tactical units – by morning they would reinforce the coup forces already in the capital. all the troops were told they were going to “secure the white House from terrorists”, but it was only a matter of time before they discovered they themselves were the enemy.’ Is out-ofhis-depth trump already restrained? there are now four generals in the white House – unprecedented since the second world war. they are: chief of staff John Kelly; secretary of defence James Mattis; chairman of the Joint Chiefs of staff Joseph Dunford; and national security adviser HR McMaster.
TORY MP Conor Burns mocks parliamentarians gathering below Big Ben for the final-for-four-years bongs, sneering: ‘You will not see too many colleagues who have careers ahead of them’ – a reference to, among others, publicity-prone MPs Stephen Pound (Labour), 69, and Peter Bone (Tory), 64. As PPS to fizzledout Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson, does Burns, 44, have much of a career ahead of him?
wHILE fellow showbiz stars pay tribute to the late sir Bruce Forsyth, who died last week aged 89, let’s not forget X Factor judge Louis walsh, 65, pictured, who remarked in 2010: ‘His time is finished. Brucie is too old. He’s from a different era. He shouldn’t even be alive at his age.’ wounded sir Bruce responded splendidly: ‘Louis walsh said in print that I should be dead by now. Can you believe that from a jumped-up karaoke judge?’
THE Queen is having trouble attracting people of the right calibre for top jobs. After her reign, most will be replaced by Prince Charles’s candidates. The royals aren’t sentimental. The Queen Mother’s faithful servant ‘Backstairs’ Billy Tallon thought he’d still have a roost at Clarence House after she died aged 101. After 50plus years of service, he ended up in a small flat in south London, dying aged 72 six years later.
JoHn Challis – Boycie in the popular tV entertainment only Fools and Horses – informs the website Royal Central that the Queen is a fan of the show. I mentioned this in 2015, along with the fact that a model of Del Boy’s yellow van, addressed to HM, was on the sandringham Christmas present table.
WHILE many are gripped by the retelling of the Diana story 20 years after her death, it’s also the 25th anniversary of the Duchess of York being caught having her toes ‘sucked’ by balding Texan John Bryan while sunbathing topless in the south of France. She was staying with Andrew and her royal in-laws at Balmoral when the snaps appeared. Brazen Bryan later complained: ‘Goddamn it, I wasn’t sucking her toes. I was kissing them!’ A crucial distinction.