17 years on, flirty Phil and nosy Kirstie are still the act to beat
Human beings were designed by God to work in pairs, and the double act is proof of that. How else to explain why Laurel wasn’t funny without Hardy, and Wise became invisible when morecambe died?
Even Lennon and mcCartney were never better than second-rate rockers without each other.
and at a slightly less exalted altitude, nothing Phil Spencer or Kirstie allsopp has attempted alone ever really worked. all of their spin-offs and craft-it-yourself Christmas specials are too easily forgotten.
But put them in harness on Location, Location, Location (C4) and they are unbeatable. Their house-hunting show trumps all the other property formats on TV. They’ve been doing it for 17 years, and it’s as watchable as ever.
The saucy frisson between them, which once had viewers desperately guessing whether Kirstie and Phil were conducting a secret affair, has mellowed.
These days, they just bicker amiably, like an old married couple who long ago decided gardening is more pleasurable than sex.
and they know better than to fiddle with the familiar format. Each takes a couple home-hunting and, after an introductory chat, shows them three or four properties that roughly meet their needs. One will be horrible but cheap, the second a fixer-upper full of potential, and the third ideal but over budget. If there’s a fourth, it is always an oddity.
Later, the presenters meet to share notes and flirt, before some half-hearted haggling over the phone with estate agents as the buyers try to make their choice.
unless you harbour a lifelong but frustrated desire to be a surveyor, the prospect of an hour filled with property viewings is mildly diverting at best. What make the show tick are the couples.
Location rarely caters for singletons. nobody wants to watch a lonely middle-aged divorcé trying to find a bedsit that he can still afford after the monthly maintenance payments.
no, we want to know about relationships. and Kirstie and Phil make little secret of their nosiness: ‘Who wears the trousers in your house?’ they ask the couples. ‘Does your wife always get her way? Is your husband usually this grumpy?’
This time, a former soldier called Gary was on manouevres, trying to steer his reluctant wife Debs into a new home with room for their four boys. Debs was tearful and holding out for the best deal: ‘It’s a case of Gary promising me diamonds and pearls, handbags and holidays,’ she warned.
at its core, Location isn’t about property at all. It’s a psychology show. But if you sat some couples on a couch and asked them intrusive questions about their love lives, you wouldn’t learn half as much.
The couple under the microscope in Starting Up, Starting Over (C5) were in crying need of marriage guidance and a battalion of therapists, as they tried to launch a fancy pizzeria in Cumbria.
London lawyer Kat, aged 46, had plunged her life savings into the dream, with her new boyfriend, Italian chef Gwil.
Gwil was sweet and thoughtful until he got his hands on a pizza paddle, when he transformed into an autocratic monster.
Within 24 hours of opening, Kat was a puddle of tears, begging: ‘I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life.’
It was all a bit too intense. Some of Kat and Gwil’s arguments were so fraught that I felt slightly awkward to be eavesdropping. The episode would have benefitted from a second focus, another couple to distract us.
Kirstie and Phil know how to manage it.
FUEL OF THE NIGHT: Milk is now cheaper than bottled water, pointed out narrator Vicky McClure in A Year On The Farm (More4). Which makes me wonder, could cars run on semi-skimmed? It might solve the energy crisis.