Today’s poem

GENERAL CUSTER’S SCOUSER SCOUT

General Custer had a scout, the young man was no fool. The best scout Custer ever had — he came from Liverpool.

Custer was trapped inside a fort, outside, redskins everywhere. ‘If you can’t help us,’ Custer said, ‘we’re going to lose our hair!’

‘We’re in trouble,’ he went on, ‘we need help and support, Can you tell how many braves are hanging ’round this fort?’

The Scouser went down on his knees, his ear close to the ground. He said: ‘Two hundred Indians are hanging about and around.’

‘A lot of redskins,’ Custer said, ‘how many ride a horse? It would help to know the answer before we meet this mighty force.’

The Scouser knelt down once again. His ear to the ground he put. ‘One hundred and sixty are on horse,’ he said, ‘and 40 are on foot.’

‘That’s marvellous,’ the general said, ‘what weapons have they got? If we know the details, we can beat this scurvy lot.’

‘They’ve all got bows and arrows, of rifles there’s four score, And loads and loads of tomahawks: they mean to spill our gore!’

‘What else is there?’ the general said, ‘is there anything else to tell Before these braves attack us and send our souls to Hell?’

The Scouser said: ‘The big chief has a headdress tipped with red, And the medicine man beside him has a top hat on his head.’

‘You’ve told us lots,’ the general said, ‘and your advice is sound. But how is it you learn so much by putting your ear to the ground?’

‘It’s nothing,’ said the Scouser scout, ‘and I could tell you more — ’Cos when I put my ear to the ground, I can see right under the door!’

Robert Mcgrath, Crosby, Merseyside.