DEAR BEL,

I’M IN my 60s, met a guy through a dating site and have been seeing him for more than three months.

I have also spent time nursing him when he has been unwell. He is 70, with no family or children and has never been married.

He has an ex-girlfriend of over 30 years who has remained a close friend even after their relationship ended. He said she was extremely neurotic with mood swings, was sometimes abusive and known to break things. Over the years she occasionally loaned him money but, he says, he paid her back. She is a good friend to him, although they can only tolerate one another for short periods.

He has made a point of telling me that although there is no relationship now other than friendship, he has said that if she becomes ill in future he will nurse her and marry her to give her security — even though I understand she is slightly more financially secure than he is. Before I get more involved with this man I need advice.

He has already insisted they will spend Christmas Day together and that they have made this a pact for the rest of their lives. He says she is very jealous of any other woman in his life.

She says she could easily pay off what little mortgage he has left, but he says he doesn’t want to ‘sell his soul’ for money.

I have told him I’d like to meet her and reassure her that I am not a threat to their relationship. At our age it is important to appreciate what friends we have left, but as yet I have not been introduced.

He appears to be quite fearful of her and she visits him whenever she chooses to.

They also accompany one another on trips to London when it suits them both, having established this arrangement for years.

I understand no relationship is perfect, but I find all this confusing. I am quite old-fashioned and don’t want to waste my life hoping for a future with this man who might be unwilling to commit to me.

However, he insists that he has always dated more than one lady (sometimes three at a time) all his life, until he met me.

Apologies if this sounds confusing but it just echoes how I feel: confused and frustrated.