A midlife man is like a Ford Fiesta long before electric windows came as standard. Don’t be fooled by the paint job

Midlife romance: Tina (Leanne Best) and Adam (James Nesbitt) in Cold Feet

we’re eager to mould ourselves to the other person, evolving together. But in middle-age? We’re an old pot that’s been fired in the kiln and varnished with a hard lacquer. You think you can sculpt it into something else? That’s the definition of deluded.

If the bloke you’ve set your eyes on isn’t jumping straight from another relationship (and if he is: alarm bells! Rebound!), then he’ll have spent some time on his own. And, chances are, there’s an aspect of that life he likes. It’s called freedom. He won’t give away his independence lightly.

He’ll still want his time at the football, or down the pub with his mates (talking football), or in his den, doing whatever it is men do in their dens (mainly watching football).

WARnIng: do not try to curb these activities! Or you’ll find that backward glance I mentioned earlier taking on an increasingly wistful air.

So, ladies of a certain age, intending to take on a gentleman (I use the term lightly) of a similar vintage: accept that you cannot have it all. Or him all.

Perhaps once, he might have given himself fully to a woman.

Perhaps once he did. That is no longer possible.

There’s the part he reserves for his kids, the bit carved out to history, and the chunk he’ll never lend out again — that amount he keeps for himself.

There’s something else women should know about us blokes who are past our prime. We’re generally disillusioned.

grumpy Old Men are the rule, not the exception.

By the time we’re middle-aged, we realise we’ve passed the high-water mark of our lives. If we haven’t hit it big yet, then the lottery is our best hope.

And if we’re in the market for a new romance, we likely consider ourselves failures in love, too.

When dating, we might succeed in hiding this aspect of our personality — but rest assured, it lurks just below the surface.

So, is a man in midlife a deal worth taking?

Let’s be honest, were the bloke in question a car on a forecourt, you’d likely keep walking.

Even if he keeps himself in shape — doesn’t just have a gym membership, but uses it — he’s at best a Ford Fiesta that rolled off the production line long before electric windows and central locking were fitted as standard. Don’t be fooled by the good paint job: it’s what’s under the bonnet that matters.

But while some people are content on their own, most of us aren’t. Cold Feet’s Adam falls firmly into the second category. I can’t imagine him being happy without someone to share life’s journey. And not just because there’s a degree of autobiographical detail in his character.

For all Adam’s flaws, I’d recommend Tina sticks by him. Because amid the squalls, there will be sunshine.

And if there’s one thing about a stormy north Sea crossing, it’s this. For all the agony, it sure makes you feel alive.

And when you arrive safely on the other shore, you might even consider that voyage the most memorable part of your trip. Cold Feet is on at 9pm every Friday on itV.