Under the microscope
CAN YOU RUN UP THE STAIRS?
YES — to keep fit, I play golf and have fun with my children, Robin, 12, and Sophie, nine, who divide their time between their mother [former partner, Cathy Gill] and me. I walk a lot and never like to take lifts. I had to stop running after I wrecked my ankle in a motorcycle crash in my early 30s.
GET YOUR FIVE A DAY?
YES. I have a Mediterranean diet. I love onions, tomatoes and garlic. I never buy pre-prepared food. In the autumn, because I have an orchard, I get more like 15 a day — with fresh apples, pears, plums and cherries. I also grow my own vegetables.
POP ANY PILLS?
NONE. I tried vitamins and they made no difference.
EVER DIETED?
NOT on purpose. I’m 5 ft 9 in and weigh 16 st. I ballooned at 40 after I stopped smoking and I’ve been the same since. I’d be dead if I hadn’t stopped. My then girlfriend wanted to quit, so we went to a hypnotist and it worked.
ANY VICES? PINOT noir. EVER HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY?
NO, BUT my children want me to. I was born with my second and third toe on each foot joined together at the bone. They say: ‘Why didn’t you do something about it?’ and I tell them I couldn’t be bothered.
ANY FAMILY AILMENTS?
MY FATHER, Piers, is fit and healthy at 92. My mother lived until almost 90.
COPE WELL WITH PAIN?
I’M PRETTY good. I’ve had gout three times. It was the only pain I’ve had that was as bad as breaking my leg.
WORST ILLNESS?
I HAVE occasional psoriasis, where your skin reproduces too quickly and falls off in flakes. I get a sort of dandruff from hell. Coal tar shampoo helps. I also had amoebic dysentery in Colombia, where I spent a year at 19.
TRIED ALTERNATIVE REMEDIES?
WE HAD a dog that homeopathy worked on, but it didn’t work on the rest of us. I do know that hypnotism works. After it had cured my smoking, I used it for stage fright, too.
EVER BEEN DEPRESSED?
NOT clinically. The most extreme despair I’ve had was when I thought I would lose the kids when their mother and I separated several years ago.
WHAT KEEPS YOU UP AT NIGHT?
I SLEEP well, but I often wake up and find my mind has gone into a loop. It could be a storyline for a book. If it’s desperate, I’ll have a glass of whisky.
LIKE TO LIVE FOR EVER?
NO. AS time goes by, I get more and more bored with myself.
Blue Dog, by louis de Bernières, is published in paperback on November 2 (Vintage, £7.99)