Stop sending me friend requests on Facebook — I’ll never accept!
Seth Daker, 18, has just started a degree in architecture at the University of northumbria and lives with mum nicky, 49, a nurse, and stepfather Danny, 46, a removals company owner, in ripponden, West yorkshire.
1 Want to know my first thought if ever I’m injured playing football? not, ‘Is my leg actually broken?’, it’s ‘Oh, God, Mum’s going to run onto the pitch any minute shouting: “are you OK darling?” ’ You always do, and it’s so embarrassing.
2 Whenever you call me using your hands-free device, you almost deafen me. You’re convinced you have to shout because you’re further away from the handset. I’ve told you, there are speakers. You really don’t need to bellow like a lunatic.
3 Why do you still call me ‘Sethy’ in front of my friends, your pet name for me since I was little, even though you know I get teased? It can’t be accidental.
4 Occasionally, when you’re in a good mood, you’ll offer me a lift to see friends — and then complain the whole journey I treat you like a ‘taxi service’.
5 It’S so frustrating when you call me when I’m out at night, and no one else is home, to ask how to work the tv. no matter how often we explain it to you, you just can’t figure it out for yourself. how many times am I to be found in the foyer of a pub, shouting: ‘Press the red button. no, the red one!’ because Mum is missing coronation Street.
6 I know you’re proud of me, but you have this horrible habit of boasting about me to my friends’ mothers, then they give me stick about what you’ve said. honestly, I’m really not as great as you think.
7 I really don’t mind trying out your new treatments at your aesthetics clinic. What I do mind, however, is you posting pictures of me wearing face masks on your Facebook page, which is plain humiliating.
8 I’ll ask if you need help with preparing dinner and am always told: ‘no, it’s all in hand.’ then, later, you’re banging on that you have ‘to do everything’!
9 mum, I learned to tell the time when I was six. Your little morning trick telling me it’s later than it is, hoping it will speed me up, is just pointless.
10 Please stop sending requests to be my ‘friend’ on social media — twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat. I love you, but I will never accept them. Who on earth wants their mum spying on their nights out?
Oh, hold me back! Seth’s at university and I miss him, so I’d love to see what he’s up to, but he’s blocked me on social media — even when I pay for his phone. how is that fair?
I really don’t object to cooking a meal. What I do mind is Seth inviting a friend to stay for dinner, then announcing, just as I am serving up, that our guest has halal or vegetarian diet requirements, and being expected to deal with it. that said, he’s not a bad lad, and I really don’t have much to complain about.
Pictures: GLEN MINIKIN DAMIEN McFADDEN JULIETTE NEEL JOHN GODWIN