A chilli reception for elf’s knees-up

Penelope Fairy woke with a brainwave, ‘Let’s have a party,’ she said. ‘It’ll be an Indian do, all curries and saris,’ And like a rocket she shot out of bed. Ernie the elf said: ‘That’ll be great, We can have a good knees-up and stay up late. I’ll make a korma with mushrooms and cream, And we’ll all sing and dance, it’ll be a real scream.’ So Penelope Fairy flew down to the dell With invites for all kith and kin. ‘The theme is India and you have to dress up, Or else I’m not letting you in.’ Now Ernie wasn’t much good with numbers, And he liked a bit of a risk, So instead of one chilli pod in the curry He went mad and put in six. At 7pm guests started arriving, And what trouble they had all gone to! Three Maharajahs, four Bollywood stars, Fifteen Gandhis, 20 elephants and a guru. The seating arrangements got a bit squashy As the elephants were a problem to seat. So Penelope allowed them to take off their trunks Or they’d never be able to eat. ‘Goodness,’ said Penelope, ‘I’m really quite hungry,’ And she finished her curry — the first. ‘Hmm,’ she said, ‘that was ever so yummy, I feel like I’m going to burst.’ Then something strange suddenly happened, Penelope shot out of her seat, She did a high somersault and three backward flips, And through the window made a hasty retreat. The rest of the guests were slower at eating And they visibly started to sweat, One little gremlin who was really perspiring Dabbed his neck with a pink serviette. A few seconds later the guru he fainted, And refused to get up from the floor. His eyes were bulging — he clutched his throat: ‘Get me some water!’ he roared. Well, fairies went flying and pixies were squealing, Inside their elephant disguise, They all toppled over and went out of control. ‘Unzip us!’ they yelled. ‘It’s like an oven inside!’ The green leprechaun was greener than ever, Gnomes frenziedly hopped on the spot. All the hobgoblins stripped down to their Y-fronts, They were angry and frightfully hot. The fairies and elves they all started fighting, Tattered wands flew around in the air. One of the Gandhis ripped off his loincloth, And tossed it up high in the air. Now Ernie could see trouble was coming, So he grabbed his coat and he ran. Those yobby Hobgoblins can get very ugly, And Ernie’s a sensitive man. At the end of the party as guests were all leaving, Penelope appeared — white and weak at the knees. ‘Hope you had fun, folks . . . thanks so much for coming. Perhaps next time we’ll try a Chinese!’ Susan Clowes, Bishop’s Stortford, Herts.