How to LIVE 100 to
. . . and why you should want to – by the most awe-inspiring men and women you could meet
YEARS ago, when my feisty mother, Katherine, was still ploughing vigorously through her 90s, a hospital consultant who admired her vibrant will to live told me he’d cracked the code for living to a ripe old age.
‘If you want to live to be 100, you need to be self-centred, dominant and strongwilled,’ he said. ‘You mustn’t put other people first and you mustn’t be a victim.’
My mother was never selfish, but it is true that she was a formidable woman, and we really thought she would make it to 100.
Sadly, she didn’t quite get there. She died at 94, but up to six weeks before she left us, she was still enjoying her life.
Everyone knows an old person who fits that doctor’s stereotype, the ones whom the Grim Reaper is too terrified to approach. The autocratic old lady banging her stick for attention, the grumpy old man who seizes the best chair. But a thought-provoking new TV programme due to be screened tonight, Panorama Special: Life At 100, made by the awardwinning documentary maker Roger Graef, tells a very different story.
The centenarians in his charming film are far from selfish. They are brave, determined to stay independent and not become a burden to their families.
And their ranks are growing. A record number of people in the UK are living to 100 and beyond. The latest figures from the Office for National Statistics showed there were 14,910 centenarians in 2016 — 5,580 more than in 2006.
One in every three babies born today will live to see their 100th birthday — an incredible statistic which can largely be put down to huge advances in medicine.
But this increasingly ageing population will present enormous challenges for
future generations. The State will not be able to provide nearly enough support for all the centenarians.
Put simply, as a nation, we are not facing up to the challenge.
In particular, dementia — the illness we all most dread as we grow older — is becoming more and more common, and brings with it such serious disability that it takes professional care to look after those affected. But as the demand for residential homes increases, more and more are closing.
The best hope we have is to find an effective treatment for the illnesses and disabilities that come with age and find ways of preventing them.
Yet it would be wrong to label our older people as a problem, as too many politicians do, to describe the ageing population as ‘a graph of doom’.
Tonight’s film demonstrates they are a resource to be treasured. They look after themselves for as long as possible and many of them look after others, too. As the documentary points out, there are 92,000 carers in this country who are themselves over 85. I have spoken to many very elderly carers who never question that it is their responsibility to look after a loved one, whether it is a partner or a son or daughter.
Joan Bakewell, the presenter of the programme, talked to Margaret, who, at 102, was caring for her terminally ill son, Richard, before he died earlier this year aged 75. She said her one fear was that she would go first, leaving Richard vulnerable and alone.
‘We’ll both go soon,’ she said, with a smile. ‘But I’m not going yet. I’ve got a lot more to do.’
But perhaps those very challenges explain how Margaret has survived for longer than a century so triumphantly.
As I have seen through my work with the Silver Line, a helpline for older people, a sense of purpose is vital. The saddest letter I received since writing about my own feelings of loneliness
following the death of my husband, Desmond, 17 years ago, came from elizabeth in Sunderland.
She told me that since her husband died, she needs to gather all her strength to face ‘another pointless day when I am a waste of space’. She’d spent her life being relied upon. Now no one needed her, she felt useless.
Loneliness is often caused by loss, and loss is inevitable when you live to such a great age. Luck plays a great part in this growing old business. If you
are fortunate enough to have a loving partner, that will help keep you happy and healthy.
But even if you’re unlucky, you can do something about it. Take 100-year-old Earl Cameron and his wife, who tell the Panorama programme how they found each other in their 80s.
So, do we all want to live to be 100? I certainly do! But only if I can hang on to my mental and physical health.
I recognise to achieve that, we must be prepared to put in some effort, find the discipline to eat properly, exercise enough and keep on learning new things to keep our minds active. We also need to be prepared to reach out to new friends as we lose the old ones.
Is it worth the effort? This programme shows it is. Many centenarians are not only enjoying their long lives, but their families and friends rightly treasure them as a valuable resource.
They have unique experience and a precious stock of memories. There is a wonderful scene in this programme in which Diana Gould celebrates at her 105th birthday party. ‘You have one life, live it,’ she says, telling her guests: ‘Come next year. There might be another party, who knows?’
Who knows indeed: we can’t ever be certain of what lies ahead, but we, both as individuals and as a nation, need to be prepared.