The dastardly Mr Deedes

Is Apple chief Tim Cook, 56, feeling nervy? No-one’s buying the iPhone 8, which reviewers describe as ‘boring’. Meanwhile, iPhone X handsets, launched next month, are in short supply due to component problems. Incidentally, Apple’s glossy vice-president Angela Ahrendts, 57, lured to Apple from Burberry in 2014 with a £55m pay and sign-on deal, got all flustered this week when asked in front of Cook if she was going to take over, spluttering: ‘Fake news, fake news, silly, no.’

Lord (Jacob) Rothschild’s sumptuous Buckinghamshire home Waddesdon Manor hosts a Halloween fete this weekend. Organisers promise children a ‘petrifying’ two-day extravaganza. An appearance by Jacob’s hedge fund son Nat, 46, and his equally spooky weekend pal Lord Mandelson, 64, would certainly give the little critters sleepless nights.

It’s now been more than six months since the conclusion of the explosive High Court battle between delightful property tycoons the Candy Brothers and Mark Holyoake, 44, who’s suing the siblings for £132m. Mr Justice Nugee’s judgment was expected this month, but the High Court says no date’s set for when it’ll be delivered since Nugee, 58, is in the middle of another lengthy trial. Madness, but that’s our justice system for you.

Lloyds boss Antonio Horta Osorio will be guest speaker at an event hosted by Jewish Care next month at Mansion House. Currently rehabilitating his public image following his crise du pantalon last year, will Antonio, 53, have his welcoming face on? Last time he was at Mansion House, for last month’s UK Finance Dinner, he curtly raised his snout at any journalists who tried to engage him.

Teutonic ex-Arconic boss Klaus Kleinfeld has been hired by the Saudi Royal family to build a 10,000 square mile city which will link Jordan and Egypt. Kleinfeld, 59, was ousted from Arconic in April following a proxy war with activist US hedge funder Paul Singer, 73, a bearded brute of a man but an absolute sweetie, one suspects, compared to the Saudis.