BREAK THE DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS

NO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

IT CAN help to encourage teens to categorise their negative thought processes so they can challenge them. Five of the worst are:

EMOTIONAL REASONING: Chloe ‘felt’ ugly but she was basing this on how she felt rather than any factual evidence.

CATASTROPHISING: Thinking the worst thing would happen and so protecting themselves from perceived danger by staying at home.

MIND READING: Teen girls sometimes convince themselves they know what other people are thinking about them. If someone glances in her direction she may be certain they are judging her appearance, despite having no way of knowing what’s going on in people’s minds.

CRYSTAL BALL THINKING: Chloe, for example, believed she knew what would happen if she went outside, so lived according to her predictions.

So, she might tell herself if she went to the cinema with her friends no one would enjoy the film because they’d be too distracted whispering to each other about how awful she looked — so it was better not to go in the first place. LABELLING: Telling themselves they are ‘ugly’ or ‘deformed’ even though no one else has.

BEHAVE YOURSELF

AS MOTHERS, we must not underestimate the power of modelling behaviour. We’re so quick to deride teens for spending too much time on their social media timelines, yet often we only notice what they’re up to after we’ve dragged ourselves away from our own.

If your daughter overhears you talking about having a fat day, or sees that you only ever leave the house with a full face of make-up, she will internalise the idea that you are judged by how you look.

If she sees you bemoaning the size of your thighs or going into a meltdown over a bad hair day, you will encourage her do the same.

LOOKS AREN’T ALL

THERE’S no denying that appearance matters in today’s world, but it’s important to help your children build up self-esteem in other ways.

That might be through encouraging them to play a sport or take up skills and hobbies that aren’t remotely appearance connected.

Make time to connect as a family in the real world with everyone, parents included, switching off their phones during meal times or while you watch a movie together.

That way you help your kids to appreciate that appearance and social media are a big part of life, but there’s plenty more going on, too.

HEAP ON THE PRAISE

HOWEVER cheesy it sounds, do praise other attributes — their sense of humour, artistic talents, sporting prowess or their generally kind demeanour.

It will help teens to build up a sense of self that will be of far greater value to them than a few ‘likes’ posted on a ‘selfie’ can ever provide.