How I longed for an incredulous John Humphrys snort!
AT the end of his stint guest editing R4’s Today programme, Prince Harry was given two seconds to summarise the experience, to hone his ‘final message’ to the programme’s seven million listeners.
What, in essence, was his meaningful missive, the emotional core of his ballast from the palace, his mission statement to the nation? There was a pause. ‘I dunno,’ said the prince finally, seconds before the pips signalled that he had run out of time. Beep, beep, beep.
So how to summarise his royal contribution to the three-hour show? We now know Harry’s key issues, the things he is either ‘passionate’ or ‘genuinely passionate’ about are the military, the environment, mental health, charity and a buncha people he repeatedly refers to as ‘the younger generation’ or ‘the youth of today’, even though he is barely more than a shaver himself.
Indeed, it seems only five minutes ago that Harry was playing naked billiards in Vegas and marching around in a Nazi uniform. Now, bless him, he is an utterly reformed character; an homme serieux who is soon to be married and is clearly embarking on some kind of vague, Bono-esque ultra-mission to save the world and everyone in it.
By the end of the programme it was still difficult to grasp the details of his selfimposed task, only that the prince sees himself as a caring, green bridge between the younger generation who don’t trust the older generation and vice versa. In a royal nutshell, we must take ‘millennials’ more seriously (must we?) and double our recycling efforts. Or something like that.
Harry’s Today show began with thumping ‘grime’ dance music at around 7am, followed by a winning contribution from boxer Anthony Joshua, who revealed he makes his own bed every morning, all the better to face the day ahead. Meanwhile, the prince’s pet concerns were given the Today treatment. This meant an investigation into the link between mental health and the nation’s productivity, while presenter Justin Webb wondered what impact the involvement of Prince Harry had on a charity. ‘Obviously funding,’ came the honest reply.
THE showpieces were the prince’s two main interviews, and he didn’t have to drill down too far in his address book to hit gold. His chief guests were Prince Charles (Dad) and Barack Obama (American Surrogate Dad). Both are used to the sound of their own voices, and both Charles and the Ex Pres chuntered on and on, luxuriating in the novelty of the uninterrupted airspace like two stately galleons steaming ahead in a sea of mutual smarm.
Charles waffled about the importance of his environmental work, Obama talked about the importance of his legacy. How one longed for the usual incredulous snort from John Humphrys, heralding the start of one of his Mr Punch interrogative interventions. Instead, Harry was content to pour more honey upon the honeyed words. To Obama: ‘You made a massive difference?’ ‘A huge difference,’ the president agreed.
Father, Pa, Mr President, Sir, Your Highness, there were a lot of big beast male egos to wrangle over the breakfast airwaves, with the marmalade of privilege spread thick upon the imperial toast.
Prince Charles’s rich fruitcake voice sounded as if it were rumbling from the depths of an ermine-swaddled throne laid upon a carpet of flunkeys inside a room made of gold. He also sounded utterly thrilled that his son was listening to his environmental concerns at last.
‘Oh dear boy, the fact you are saying this,’ he cried, as Harry murmured that Something Must Be Done about protecting nature. ‘Well, darling boy it makes me very proud to think that you understand.’
HARRY, who relies on cliché more than he should, said that it was a ‘test to humanity to swing that pendulum, to make our mark on the planet’. Then the princes spoke at length about climate change and the need to tackle waste in the economy.
Ahem. I know what you are thinking. All this from a family whose property empire includes myriad castles, palaces, fine houses and a thousand burning light bulbs, while their number one hobby is blasting game birds out of the sky and shooting animals. Not to mention Harry’s trips across the Atlantic to see his girlfriend, and hers to see him.
Prince Harry claims to be apolitical, but this was a programme rich in politics and political choices. Including tacit disapproval of Donald Trump from Obama, and unquestioning belief in man-made climate change. And surely ‘shining a spotlight on an issue’ is a political act in itself?
In the end, his guest editorship of Today was perhaps more revealing than the prince intended. A quick-fire question and answer session at the end of his Obama interview revealed distressingly laddish credentials under the royal carapace, as he asked about Obama’s underpants and his favourite television programmes (including one that featured Meghan Markle). Oh dear.
Yet throughout it all, the prince – who is clearly well-meaning – sounded earnest and sincere, keen to present himself as an ordinary chap, even though he is anything but. Not quite a man of the people and never a man who makes his own bed. Will the nation be convinced about Harry as a social crusader? I dunno. Beep, beep, beep.