Your snoring keeps him awake? Then go on a diet, chubby!
Solve your sex, love & life troubles
In a brand new column for Inspire, TV’s Steph and Dom Parker, 51 and 53, draw on their 20 years of marriage to solve your relationship problems...
Q
MY HUSBAND says my snoring is driving him mad. I’ve always snored a bit, but it’s got worse as I’ve got older — and it came to a head over the festive period after a few parties when he woke me up and told me to go to the spare room. We’ve been rowing ever since. Now, we’re both grumpy and sleepdeprived. Help!
STEPH SAYS:
IF YOU don’t want to sleep in separate rooms, this is what you do. It’s perfectly simple — you agree with him. You say: ‘Fine, darling, of course I’ll go and sleep in the spare room!’ But you tell him that, if that’s the deal, then you need a total refurb. New curtains, new bed, new carpet, new linen, new lighting. New everything. If he wants you to sleep in your own room, then you need to sleep in a room that you’ve made your own. Perfectly reasonable.
He’ll say you can’t afford it ... Boom! End of problem! I guarantee it will work.
But, I don’t understand why you want to sleep separately. What’s the problem? We do. We have suites opposite each other. Bliss!
If you snore, you snore. There’s no point trying counselling, or putting sprays up your nose, or having bits burnt off, or all of those ghastly things people do to try to stop sounding like a warthog. They’re not going to work. All you’re doing is giving each other false hope. And there’s absolutely no point in that. No point at all.
The most important thing to remember is that it doesn’t mean no sex. It means better sex! With a great night’s sleep afterwards. Tell him: ‘We can have date night, darling.’ With a bit of luck, by the time you’ve taken your face off and put your good nightie on, he’ll be fast asleep. And if he isn’t, well, you have your sexy time in his room, then you go and get back into your nice — unruffled — bed for a lovely long sleep. Win-win.
I know some people worry that sleeping apart means a lack of intimacy, but I think past a certain age intimacy is overrated. Sleep is absolutely the most important thing. Lack of sleep can cause tremendous issues. It makes you — both of you — grumpy, stressed and wretched. Being overtired can make you truly miserable, as anyone who’s ever had children knows.
We moved into separate rooms 14 years ago, after our second baby came along. Dom had to go to work in the morning, so he really didn’t want to be getting up three times a night. It just sort of stuck, and it works. In fact, it’s vital. I love it, and so does he. Try it — I bet you will, too. DOM SAYS: IT’S fair to say women snore just as much as men. They may not necessarily want to admit to it, but they do. Possibly even more. Steph snores. She might not have mentioned that in her bit, but she does. You say your snoring has got worse over time. If it’s because you’ve got fat, then go on a diet, chubby! If it’s the drink, don’t drink. But none of that’s much fun. Much better to just go for separate rooms. Nothing wrong with that. We’ve had them for years. I snore, of course, but Steph wears earplugs and I can sleep through anything, so that’s not the problem. The problem is that I shift about. I go to sleep like a normal person, and I wake up with my head in one corner and legs in the other. I’m sure I get all my exercise in bed. But if we slept together it would drive Steph mad. And I don’t want to be woken up with an elbow in the middle of the night. Sleep is a thoroughly under-respected commodity. I need at least six hours a night. Steph can sleep for 14. I’m very envious of this, but I usually get six. If you’re not sleeping well, it can have terrible ramifications. Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan used to boast they got three or four hours, and they both ended up with dementia. There’s nothing wrong with your husband wanting to sleep — I certainly don’t want to be woken up — but he shouldn’t be asking you to move. The gentlemanly thing to do would be for him to go out to the spare room. He’s already awake after all. But then, I suppose if he does that, there are other problems. Say he’s got up to go to the spare room, does that mean he’s had to unplug his phone for the alarm, find the charger and replug it in the other room? Then he’s wide awake. And then there’s the whole who-needs-the-sleep-more thing. Who’s getting up for work the next day? Who needs to be sharp? Grumpiness is always to be avoided. Do you really want to be arguing about all of this? Respect the sleep, rather than the sleeping together. As for sex . . . You commute! You make negotiations in advance. You have an assignation. Steph loves that we have separate rooms. That keeps her happy. And that’s very important. Don’t forget that. I don’t want an angry wife — just like you don’t want an angry husband.
IF YOU have a question you’d like Steph and Dom to tackle, write to stephanddom@ dailymail.co.uk