TV’s Nadia: I feared my four miscarriages were punishment for abortion
NADIA Sawalha has said she fears she had four miscarriages as a ‘punishment’ for having an abortion.
The Loose Women panellist broke down in tears as she opened up about the heartbreak she experienced after losing four babies.
Miss Sawalha, 53, was speaking alongside her television producer husband Mark Adderley in the latest instalment of their podcast, How To Stay Married.
She revealed the couple lost their first baby in the early days of their relationship which she felt was retribution for having an abortion.
Miss Sawalha, who had the procedure while in a previous relationship, said: ‘Of course, I had had a termination years before. And I think, you know, all that guilt came up. And I was thinking, “Is this a punishment?”.
‘And with each subsequent miscarriage, I felt like that. I felt it was a punishment.’
Miss Sawalha was previously married to record producer Justin Mildwater who committed suicide in December 1997 a few months after they separated. She dated her former EastEnders co-star Marc Bannerman for three years before meeting Mr Adderley. They married after a fivemonth romance in 2002.
But they were heartbroken early in their relationship when her first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.
She said: ‘From the second you know you’re pregnant, you start making plans. It makes me cry.
‘It doesn’t really matter if you’ve known for a day or eight weeks, it doesn’t really make any difference. You can see
‘What if I’m barren now?’
their face, you can see their smile. You start worrying about where they’ll go to school and what holidays will be like. That all happens from day one.
‘And that’s why I am such an advocate of telling everyone from the second you’re pregnant. If we’d kept it a secret for three months and then told everyone we wouldn’t have got that support in that grief.’
The actress added: ‘I was devastated. That actual old fash- ioned word came into my head – barren. What if I’m barren now and I can’t have a baby?’
Miss Sawalha gave birth to their daughter, Maddy, in 2002. But she had three further miscarriages.
She previously revealed how she kept the third foetus in a packed lunch box in her freezer for a period of time.
During an episode of Loose Women in 2016, she said: ‘When I had my third miscarriage and I actually had it at home and delivered it, I was just not right in my head.’
The couple had a second daughter, Kiki-Bee in 2007.