Neil McCann blew me away with his honesty. He told me this was my chance to get away from everything and play football again
FOR Steven Caulker, the future looked as bright as the smile on his face which had just lit up the Friends Arena in Stockholm.
The Tottenham centre-half had marked his England debut with a goal to put Roy Hodgson’s side 2-1 up against Sweden in November 2012.
But few recall his proud moment now. Zlatan Ibrahimovic went on to hog the headlines after what turned out to be a 4-2 victory for the hosts, scoring all four goals — including a 30-yard bicycle-kick that drew applause from even visiting England fans.
While the Swedish superstar stole the limelight, Caulker’s career would instead take him to some truly dark places.
He would not win another cap — and came close to ending his life after a long struggle with addiction to alcohol and gambling which saw him squander 70 per cent of his footballing fortune.
Now, more than five years on from his Three Lions appearance, the 26-year-old has accepted the chance of a fresh start north of the border.
And he is looking forward to rebuilding his career in the Scottish Premiership after being ‘blown away’ by the enthusiasm with which Dundee boss Neil McCann sold the move to him.
‘It’s been a strange six weeks for me,’ said Caulker, who signed an 18-month deal with the Dark Blues yesterday.
‘I’ve been training at Luton on my own and then the phone call came from Neil McCann, offering to get me away from everything back home, get my head down and play football.
‘(The move) came about just a few days ago. I happened to be up here a few days ago for a funeral, so it was really bizarre how it happened.
‘I met with Neil on Wednesday night and he blew me away with his honesty.
‘He’s a really genuine man and he told me this was my chance to come and play football. It’s a chance I want to take. I am really glad to be here.
‘It’s been great being back amongst the boys and getting a sweat on during training. You can’t mimic that. It’s been a great first day. Now I’ve got to get used to the cold weather.’
As a young player at Spurs, Caulker was sent on loan to Yeovil Town then Bristol City before excelling under Brendan Rodgers at Swansea City. He also starred for Team GB at the London Olympics in the summer of 2012 before winning that one and only cap for his country.
On his return to White Hart Lane, however, he felt insecure next to the squad’s multimillionaires and turned to gambling as an outlet for a lack of self-confidence.
‘I was staying up to crazy hours of the night in casinos,’ he recalled in an interview last summer.
‘I never felt I was on the same level as any of the first-teamers, but a big win in the casino, and money in my back pocket, might change that. Being dropped rattled me even more because football was what I had relied on to make me feel better.
‘So then the gambling was every single day. The pain of losing all my money, combined with the shame and guilt, ate away at me. I’d drink myself into oblivion so I wouldn’t have to feel anything. I was numb but I was out of control.’
Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy eventually confronted Caulker during a post-season trip to the Bahamas and warned him to ‘sort yourself out or go — but if you do leave, you’ll be going down, not up’.
Caulker recalled: ‘I was young and stupid. I took it as a challenge, a chance to prove him wrong. So I went to Cardiff (in an £8million move) and for six months everything was amazing.
‘I was captain and the manager, Malky Mackay, knew I had some issues but offered to be there for me. I felt wanted, so there was no gambling, no heavy binges but the second he was sacked, all the demons came back.’
During those Cardiff days, Gordon Strachan tried in vain to persuade Caulker to switch allegiance to Scotland. When the Bluebirds were relegated, he left for QPR but soon realised he had made a huge mistake leaving Spurs in the first place.
‘The trigger came in our second game when we were thrashed 4-0 at Tottenham. That feeling coming off the pitch at White Hart Lane, knowing we had been embarrassed and that Levy was sitting up in the stand thinking: “I told you so.”
From that moment, I was gone — and everything just escalated. I’d go for days without sleeping. I don’t know how I survived it.
‘The only relief was alcohol. It would silence the voices of doubt and self-hate, temporarily anyway.
‘But it could be Monday and I’d have no memory of what had happened since Saturday night. I’d wake up, roll over to look at my phone and there’d be texts from people saying: “Did you really do this last night? The manager wants to see you.” It was petrifying because I didn’t know what had happened.’
His career on the slide, Caulker was loaned to Southampton and Liverpool but was involved in offences of drunken and disorderly behaviour from London to the south coast, then to Merseyside.
‘Sometimes I’d be sat there with the police and my lawyer, watching the CCTV footage of what I’d done, and I didn’t recognise myself. It’s so hard to accept I could be like that.
‘In Liverpool, I was waking up in the middle of the night throwing up. People were blackmailing me; nightclub owners and bouncers. “Pay money or we’ll sell this story on you.” And I had no idea what I’d even done on those blackouts.’
He hit rock bottom last March when he was banned from driving for 18 months after refusing to provide a breath test after police were called to a car park near Windsor Castle.
‘I contemplated suicide a lot in that period,’ admitted Caulker.
‘It was a dark time. Everything I’d gone through in football, where had it taken me? All the guilt, the embarrassment, the shame, the public humiliation in the papers... and for what?’
Since being diagnosed with depression and anxiety, Caulker has worked with Gamblers Anonymous and Alcoholics
Anonymous in a bid to turn his life around. He was linked with a move to Celtic last summer but remained with QPR until he was released last month.
His last game was against Barnsley on September 26 and he had been using Luton Town’s training facilities until Dundee made their move this week.
Last night, Celtic boss Rodgers said he hoped Caulker can show his problems are now in the past and be a success with the Dark Blues.
‘Steven has had a difficult few years,’ he said. ‘I took him on loan from Tottenham at 19 and dropped my captain Garry Monk to put him into the team. He and Ashley Williams had an outstanding partnership together and he showed he was going to go on and be a top young talent. He played at the Olympics for Great Britain and won an England cap.
‘It looked as though his career was on the up, although it’s clear to everyone he has had his issues and it’s been difficult for him.
‘But I hope he can get back onto the pitch and get playing because, if he does, he’s a big talent.’