The A to Z of Still Game
.... as the much-loved auld yins return, here’s our guide to all things Craiglang
AT LAST, they’re back. BBC Scotland’s riotous comedy set in the fictional Glasgow scheme of Craiglang is returning to our screens on Thursday for an eighth series.
To the familiar strains of the Cuban Boy theme tune, lifelong friends Jack and Victor join the regular cast of misfit pensioners including one-legged Winston, shopkeeper Navid and Isa the local gossip for new adventures.
Surprises are in store for the new series, including a death and the return of an old flame.
But for those in need of a wee shoogle of the memory banks before the it starts, get your beefy bakes and pints of Fusilier at the ready as the Scottish Daily Mail takes you on an A to Z guide to Still Game:
A is for AULD YINS
AS the opening credits capture brilliantly, childhood chums Jack Jarvis (played by Ford Kiernan) and Victor McDade (Greg Hemphill) have been growing old disgracefully during their 60-plus years of friendship. With the first episode having aired some 16 years ago and the actors ever nearer in age to their on-screen alter-egos, Sanjeev Kohli, who plays shopkeeper Navid Harrid, admits: ‘It used to take around 90 minutes to age us all back in the beginning. Now it’s around an hour.’
B is for BANTER
AH the banter, as rapier-sharp patter merchants Jack, Victor and friends muse on life with a wisdom worthy of the ancients. All human life is there, from Jack’s simple proverb: ‘He who hingeth aboot getteth heehaw.’ to the due deference shown by Craiglang residents to their departed comrade: ‘I don’t mean to speak ill of the dead but, he wis a p***k.’
C is for CLANSMAN
THE boozer is the beating heart of Craiglang, where the regulars rip into each other mercilessly over a few scoops of their favourite fictional tipple, Fusilier beer. Boabby the sarcastic barman, played by Gavin Mitchell, sports an eighties mullet worthy of a Duran Duran roadie to match his outdated customer service skills and will cheerfully bar any pensioner who steps out of line.
D is for DOACTORS
THE episode titles for the first three series – such as ‘Flittin’, ‘Faimly’, ‘Cauld’ and ‘Doactors’ – were all Glaswegian dialect words linked to that episode. Starting with series four’s first episode, ‘Kill Wullie’, Kiernan and Hemphill switched to standard english to help broaden the show’s appeal.
E is for ERRORS
EVEN the sharpest comedies make mistakes. In the closing credits for series two, episode seven, ‘Shooglies’, Sanjeev Kohli is listed as playing Navid Ingram, even though shopkeeper Navid’s last name is Harrid, and he doesn’t actually feature in the episode. Ironically Jane McCarry is not credited, though her character, nosey Isa Drennan, does appear.
F is for FAMOUS
A WHO’S Who of Scottish celebrities have made Craiglang cameos, from Robbie Coltrane, former Doctor Who Sylvester McCoy and Greg ‘Gary: Tank Commader’ McHugh, to boxing legend Jim Watt and broadcaster Lorraine Kelly.
Rab C Nesbitt star Gregor Fisher remains a notable absentee, although Kiernan has featured in the rival Glasgow sitcom as a barman called Mad Dog who hooks the locals on drug-filled cocktails.
G is for GLAMOUR
SERIES eight gets the Hollywood treatment as American talk show sensation Craig Ferguson joins as suave Callum – an old flame of Isa who returns from LA to see if they still have a spark. Kiernan and Hemphill met Paisley-born Ferguson on a writing trip to the States. ‘He’s a big fan. He didn’t even ask what the character would be or to see a script,’ said Kiernan. ‘He just said, “Sign me up!”’
H is for HASTIE
WHO can forget last season’s scene-stealing turn from ex-Lewis star Kevin Whately as dodgy Geordie dentist Cameron Hastie, who tries to give Methadone Mick a winning smile ahead of a job interview? Whately began his acting career in rep at Perth Theatre – alongside the late Jake D’Arcy, who played Pete the Jakey.
I is for ISA
CRAIGLANG’S incorrigible gossip, Isa Drennan, played by Jane McCarry, cannot keep anything a secret – even her own endearing cluelessness. After Navid finds her shopping in Hyperdales, the large supermarket that is driving him out of business, she recalls the encounter – betraying both her lack of loyalty to Navid and her ignorance of the Ides of March – with one of the show’s best one-liners: ‘He said, “et tu, Isa”. A’ never ate two ae anythin.’
J is for JACK
JACK Jarvis, played by Kiernan, is the stocky one with the fiery temper and a seemingly limitless supply of ghastly tank-tops and grey flannel slacks. But it is his neat line in withering put-downs that is the true measure of the man rather than his questionable choice of clothes. Surprisingly, Kiernan actually trained to be a tailor before getting his break in comedy.
K is for KUDOS
BORN out of humble origins as a touring stage play with only three characters – Jack, Victor and Winston – the show has become a massive success, with a prime-time UK-wide time slot and an international fan base from America to Malaysia. After a seven-year hiatus, Still Game returned to the stage in 2014 for 21 sell-out shows at Glasgow’s SSE Hydro, making £6million in ticket sales. Tam the miser would be green with envy.
L is for LOCATION
FICTIONAL Craiglang has made stars of several of Glasgow’s less salubrious northern schemes, including Maryhill, Knightswood, Possilpark and Ruchill. In the episode ‘Hoaliday’, Jack visits his daughter Fiona in Canada and is seen at Niagara Falls. In the new series, an episode entitled ‘South Africa’ promises further exotic adventure, but leads the intrepid pair no further than the inside of Navid’s holiday caravan.
M is for METHADONE MICK
THIS injection of youthful daftness was an instant hit on his arrival in series seven. No more subtle than the name suggests, Mick sleeps rough under a bridge but is a gentle, if spaced-out soul. In series seven when Isa addresses the gang through her letterbox offering Mick a pair of her son’s old shoes, Mick says: ‘Mad hoose wae a magic door. It’s pure Pixar, innit?’
N is for NAVID
NAVID Harrid, played by Sanjeev Kohli, is the grumpy owner of Harrid’s Convenience Stores, the community’s hub for more than 50 years. Navid dispenses his unique brand of Glaswegian patter along with the rolls and papers while dodging brickbats from wife Meena and well-meaning busybodying from Isa, who cleans for him.
He managed to survive the opening of Hyperdales supermarket when hapless Winston burned it down trying to start a barbecue inside the store. Luckily for Navid, when counting the cost of others’ foolishness he can always rely on Kohli who has a first-class maths degree from Glasgow University.
O is for OSPREY HEIGHTS
THE fancifully-named high rise that Jack and Victor call home, with dodgy décor and an unreliable lift. They live on the 14th floor along with nosey neighbour Isa. In the show’s first ever episode, Jack moves in next door to Victor after his neighbour, old man Hannigan, dies.
The two widowers employ numerous wheezes to stretch their pensions, tapping into the electricity supply and knocking down a wall to share satellite football channels
at no extra cost. The real tower block is in Collina Street, Maryhill.
P is for PEST
NO, not Isa, but the giant rat that actor Jane McCarry found dead in Navid’s shop just before filming began on series five in 2006. Pest control discovered the rodents eating their way through the stock. The problem was blamed on the Maryhill studio set’s proximity to the Forth and Clyde Canal.
Q is for QUARREL
FOR seven years, from the end of 2007’s Hogmanay special, fans waited for news of Still Game’s return. Then came the rumours of a fall-out between writers Kiernan and Hemphill. The latter quit their production company Effingee – a play on the initials of their first names – leaving Kiernan to declare: ‘It’s just Effing me now!’ Whatever the reason, it lasted until 2014’s stage version and there’s no sign of Jack and Victor being retired again any time soon.
R is for RELIGION
ONE of the two hot topics that dominate the lives of most elderly Glaswegians but which is never discussed in Still Game. The other one is the Old Firm rivalry. We never find out which side of the sectarian divide Jack and Victor stand on, nor do we ever discover if they support Rangers or Celtic. Probably a smart move, ratings-wise.
S is for SUBTITLES
THESE appear regularly, not for puzzled Sassenachs struggling with the Craiglang vernacular, but to translate the string of insults invariably lobbed at Navid by his hot-tempered wife, Meena. Her face is famously never seen, but those subtitles ensure the pithy ripostes she hurls in Hindi or Punjabi are never missed.
T is for TIGHTFISTED TAM
SO miserly he wouldn’t even tip his hat, Clansman regular Tam Mullen, played by Mark Cox, is the butt of many jokes.
Married to local librarian Frances, and a father to Tam junior at 70, he mercilessly milks the publicity surrounding the birth for freebies. But he would still throw Christmas cards in the river rather than spend money on a stamp.
U is for UNDERTAKER
ONE character meets their maker in series eight, although their identity is a closely guarded secret as the episode was filmed on a closed set. Stand-up comic Bruce Morton plays creepy funeral director Iain Duncan Sheathing. Morton has been friends with Kiernan since they worked in an office together. He also introduced Kiernan to Hemphill and was best man at Kiernan’s wedding.
V is for VICTOR
THE passing years may not have mellowed Victor McDade, but it is clearly having the opposite effect on the actor who plays him. ‘I like Victor’s soft shoes – they’re very comfortable,’ says Greg Hemphill. ‘It used to be that I’d pull on Victor’s nylon trousers and it would feel weird but nowadays I often think “I could stay in these a little bit longer”.’
W is for WINSTON
ASIDE from Jack and Victor, unlucky Winston Ingram is the only other character from the original stage play. Now played by Paul Riley – the first actor to assume the role was Gavin Mitchell, who now plays Boabby – much humour derives from Winston’s false leg and his insatiable gambling habit. He once won £500 on the tin of cat food he was reduced to eating after losing all his money on a bet. He also won £32,500 on an accumulator only to find his nemesis, Stevie the bookie, had done a runner. Even his decision to move to the seaside resort of Finport ended in disaster, although it did lead to Winston delivering the memorable parting words: ‘Get it right roon ye, Finport!’
X is for X-RATED
NOT the show’s frequent fruity language, but series five, episode two, ‘Fresh Lick’, which reveals Boabby the barman once starred in an adult film as Troy the Gardener.
The film happens to be the highlight of one of Isa’s get togethers and the tape also makes the rounds among the guys. To Boabby’s horror, it is accidentally shown on a giant screen in Buchanan Street.
Y is for YOUNG (AT HEART)
OLD codgers they may be, but Jack and Victor are defying the passage of time rather better than most of their audience.
In ‘Scran’, an episode in series two, Victor reveals that he is 74 years old, but it is not until series five’s ‘Smoke On The Water’ that he celebrates his 75th birthday. By contrast, viewers will have aged more than three years between March 2003 and summer 2006, when these two episodes were first broadcast.
Z is for ZEITGEIST
FEW people would admit to being a Jack or a Victor or attending a Scampi and Tarot night at their local, but at their sparkling best, these bunnet-wearing everymen appear to have tapped into the very soul of what it is to scrape by as a pensioner in modern-day Scotland.
But with only lukewarm praise for the last series, the writers need series eight to be a triumph. Only time will tell whether Jack and Victor really are Still Game.