The Dastardly Mr Deedes

Cannes whirs menacingly to the constant sound of helicopters landing on the main jetty, often two at a time. Despite the sharp dip in the property market (thank you, George Osborne!), private air travel to Mipim is up 26pc this year, according to charter firm 365 Aviation. But since the average chief executive here trousers £1,000 an hour, companies say it’s more cost effective then allowing them to loiter on the Riviera. Those who caught EasyJet’s last flight out of London Stansted on Monday were left stranded for two hours. Once-thirsty ex-England all-rounder Andrew Flintoff is here discussing the regeneration of Bolton’s town centre. ‘Freddie’, 40, is quite a player these days in the property world. He recently sold his Manchester home for a £3m profit, despite never having lived in It. Money for old rope, in other words, like much of the over-familiar Lancastrian’s postcricketing career. These property boys – it’s a male heavy event – definitely sport a look. Suits are shiny and overly taut, shoes buffed to a high polish, while hairstyles, when not shaved, ooze copious amounts of coiffing oil. There’s a strong appetite this year for Gucci scarves tied in a Parisian knot. From a distance, everyone looks like luxury property developers, the Candy Brothers. Re Les freres Candy, no sign of the dreaded twins as yet, but their gruesome eminence grise, Aussie Savills director Ned Baring, 42, is skulking around La Croisette like a bad smell. Each stall on the main drag lays out inviting breakfast treats for visitors arriving early doors – half decent coffee, orange juice, fresh pastries etc. Oddly popular is St Petersburg’s chic concession, which simply racks up crystal flutes of excellent champagne. The Ruskis might be persona non grata at the moment, but they sure know how to drum up business...