Hardcastle Ephraim

HOW will the Queen respond to the forthcoming legislation banning the sale of ivory? The Royal Collection has 1,200 items, including a magnificent ivory throne decorated with gem stones given to Queen Victoria by an Indian maharaja in 1851. Save-theelephants campaigner Prince William is said to want the royal hoard destroyed, but his granny and Prince Charles might disagree. A royal source points out: ‘The black market trade in ivory will likely thrive as a result. When you make something illegal, the under-the-counter prices soar in the antiques and arts markets. And elephants will continue to be poached.’ LORD Prescott, 79, attacks Radio 4’s Today show on Twitter, saying: ‘Last week you ignored Labour’s free bus fares... today you’re ignoring Labour’s housing policy launch.’ Prehistoric Prezza’s tweets are said to be composed by his son, David, who happens to be a Jeremy Corbyn cohort. So I advise Today editor Sarah Sands to take no notice of the political dinosaur. ASKED why he avoids being grilled on British television, morose Mancunian star Morrissey, 58, pictured, says: ‘Haven’t you heard of people like [Channel 4’s] Cathy Newman or [the BBC’s] Jo Coburn? They don’t discuss, they insult.’ While Newman, 43, has been known to tear a strip off interview victims – she recently rightly took orgy-loving Max Mosley to task – surely lady-like Daily Politics presenter Coburn, 50, is undeserving of such criticism from the out-of-touch warbler? WHILE Meghan Markle becomes a princess when she marries Prince Harry next month, former nightclub boss Jack Brooksbank, 30, remains plain mister after he marries Princess Eugenie of York, 28, in October. He proposed marriage in January while they inspected a Nicaraguan volcano. ‘Royal protocol is strangely immune from the genderneutral demands of the snowflake generation,’ points out my source. FORMER French president Francois Hollande reveals in a new memoir what finally caused ‘something to break’ in his relationship with fiery blonde mistress, Valérie Trierweiler – her good luck message to an electoral candidate standing against Ségolène Royal, the mother of his children. Hollande believes she was jealous that Miss Royal continued to have a role in his life. Soon after, priapic Hollande was photographed on a moped with replacement Julie Gayet. DUE to appear on US TV commentating on Prince Harry’s wedding, ex-royal butler Paul Burrell, 59, has claimed on Australian television that Prince Charles informed Diana he was ‘off to the theatre’ with then maitresse-en-titre Camilla hours after Harry’s birth in September 1984, adding: ‘He [Charles] said, “I’m delighted. I now have an heir and a spare... my work is done”. ’