Ephraim Hardcastle
SO enamoured of vintage sci-fi classic Star Trek is former first minister Alex Salmond that he used the name ‘James T Kirk’ to board flights (insisting it was for security reasons). Not as dotty as Nationalist MP Philippa Whitford who invited ridicule by flashing a Vulcan salute in the Commons, perhaps, but Mr Salmond is warming to his Trekkie theme. He now says Nicola Sturgeon should show the ‘bolshie thinking’ that USS Enterprise skipper Captain Kirk utilised to overcome impossible odds in the film The Wrath of Khan. Somehow this movie magic is to be applied to the insurmountable difficulties of revivifying the independence drive – a task surely beyond even the lifesaving skills of Doctor ‘Bones’ McCoy. Set phasers to shun!
ENVIRONMENT Secretary Michael Gove points out in the House of Commons: ‘I find the landed aristocracy, when they want you to undertake shooting with them, ask quite a high price.’ Speaker John Bercow interjects sarcastically: ‘The Secretary of State obviously speaks with experience in these matters... of which I have none.’ Who but a dolt seeks to make a virtue out of lack of experience?
ON-the-rampage feminist queen Germaine Greer, 79, pictured in her prime, gives her verdict on the MeToo movement in a BBC2 documentary tomorrow, remarking: ‘All b ****** s! None of it is going to happen!’ She also rages about women performers appearing half-naked in public. ‘I watched figure skating and the woman was virtually naked and the man was wearing evening dress. Even the women at the Golden Globes demonstration had their t**s hanging out.’ Nakedness, she says, is traditionally a sign of submission – ‘the helot (serf) is naked, the master is robed’.
REMEMBER Dana, real name Rosemary Scallon from Londonderry, who warbled All Kinds Of Everything to victory for Ireland in the 1970 Eurovision Song Contest? Now 67, she says: ‘Maybe I’ll do a proper UK tour in the near future. I’d also really like to go on Strictly Come Dancing.’ A former MEP and candidate for the Irish presidency, she adds: ‘I’ve never had a drug problem, I’ve never had a drink problem, and I’ve never been promiscuous.’
COMEDIAN David Baddiel recalls that he asked table-dancing club tycoon Peter Stringfellow, who has died aged 77, what he’d be doing if he hadn’t ended up running clubs. He said: ‘Two words: benefit fraud.’ LBC radio presenter James O’Brien, 46, says: ‘Stringfellow called me once at 8am to say one of his dancers had received a £30,000 tip the night before and was already on her way to Heathrow. The punter called the club later trying to get the money back. Stringy rang me back to tell me, still chuckling.’
THE £10,000 Achates Philanthropy Prize returns in October with a new team of judges, including Labour’s deputy leader, Tom Watson. Was he was tempted to nominate his generous friend, strict disciplinarian millionaire Max Mosley, who donated £500,000 to fund Watson’s office?