My bottom cost £12,000 but I still hate it!
Over the past 11 years, beauty editor Inge has had SEVEN types of treatment to get rid of her saddlebags and cellulite. So how many worked? Here’s her damning verdict . . .
Confession: i feel bad about my thighs. i know that’s the wrong thing to say in this age of politically correct body positivity, and that i should rock my cellulite with womanly pride.
instead, i wear long, baggy shorts on the beach (a genius idea, i think; my husband thinks not). Pre-shorts, i’d refuse to get up from my towel for fear of appalling strangers with my lumps.
As inspire’s anti-ageing columnist and Cosmopolitan’s beauty director, i know all too well that cellulite is just how women store fat and that we’re particularly prone to it in midlife, but that doesn’t stop me hating it.
i was 17 when i began to develop fat pads on my outer thighs and dimples in my bottom, so to me it’s been an eyesore for a very long time. it makes me a target for the ‘body-perfecting’ industry that’s now worth £500 million worldwide. And with all my insider knowledge, i’ve tried almost everything on the market.
Does anything work? Well, yes — but it’s a qualified yes. At 48, i’ve finally come to terms with the fact that ‘transformative’ changes don’t happen.
suffice to say that after 20 years of access to every leg and bottom treatment going, plus a hardcore exercise regime — five hours a week of running, weights and yoga for 25 years — i have a six-pack and Terminator arms. But i still have doughy legs and lumps in my bottom. That’s just how Mother nature rolls.
However, improvements are definitely possible. i may still be in shorts on the beach,
I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it MAE WEST
but my back view is better than it would be if I hadn’t had any treatments at all. The key is picking very, very carefully.
The non-surgical body-contouring industry remains a bastion of misinformation, using biologically impossible terms such as ‘fatmelting’ and ‘cellulite-removing’ with impunity. But rather than delude yourself that an airbrushed-perfect bottom is achievable with just a few light credit card transfers, wouldn’t you prefer a realistic assessment of what to expect? Clearly, some of us wouldn’t.
Dr Benji Dhillon, of london’s PHI Clinic, says plenty of patients think the one thing standing between them and perfection is cash. ‘A good clinician ought to be searingly honest,’ he says. ‘It’s our responsibility to explain that every individual body or skin reacts differently to treatment. You can’t expect a cookie-cutter result.’
You can’t expect even a guaranteed result. That means taking a punt on procedures that can cost many thousands of pounds. Which is why finding a clinic that offers multiple treatment options and a 100 per cent up-front consultation is very important.
Or you could rely on the experience of someone who’s tried almost all of it in their professional capacity as a beauty editor (rather than as a fee-paying client): me...
THE HI-FI SLIMMER
MulTIPOlAR radiofrequency was the first treatment I tried, back in 2007. like something out of a Fifties uFO movie, a panel emitting high-frequency radiowaves heats fat cells underneath the skin. This makes (some) cell walls disintegrate and release their fatty acid content into the bloodstream, after which the liver gets shot of it.
The intended result is fewer and/or shrunken fat cells, leading to smaller saddlebags and a reduction of tummy rolls and bingo wings.
It’s normal for the treatment to feel warm or a bit hot, but not painful. In the wrong hands and with the wrong machine, skin can get burnt. Two colleagues sustained nasty blisters after settings were racked up to ‘super hot’ and the treatment paddle wasn’t moved around continuously, as it should be.
This technology has been around for years and quality varies depending on the age and brand of the machine, so it’s worth asking. EXPERT VIEW: ‘This can cause a level of fatcell death, but it’s only minimal,’ says Dr Dhillon. ‘You also get a little skin-tightening, which would slightly smooth lumpy skin and is probably what patients most notice. But overall, results are inconsistent.’
The make of machine matters: one called Venus legacy is probably the gold standard. But, says medical aesthetician Renee lapino, you need six to eight weekly treatments (about £1,350 in total) to lose centimetres — which even Renee, a Venus proponent, admits will last you only ‘months’ without top-ups. MY VERDICT: I’ve had this treatment three times over the years, the first one 11 years ago with results so minimal as to be invisible (although I admit I haven’t tried the Venus legacy). The technology could work if you had it every week for the rest of your life. But I’m no oligarch-who-lunches.
SCI-FI SMOOTHER
THe following year I went for the peculiarly named Strawberry laser (from £650 for a course of six sessions). A ‘low-level’ or ‘cold’ laser procedure, it claims to melt fat. It’s not as Star Wars as it sounds: it employs infrared or near-infrared light that’s very different from powerful laser beams.
laser expert Debbie Thomas, of D.Thomas Clinic, says: ‘They have an anti-inflammatory and mildly collagen-regenerating effect on the skin.’ EXPERT VIEW: ‘If infrared affects fat cells at all, it will be negligible,’ says Dr Dhillon, who, when he heard I was told to do ten minutes of step exercises after every session ‘to boost results’, was even more sceptical. ‘I would call that a red flag,’ he says. ‘The actual treatment outcome should stand on its own.’ MY VERDICT: If you see ‘cold laser’ and ‘fat loss’ in the same sentence, run a mile — it will do more for you than the treatment.
LOTS OF PAIN, NO GAIN
A YeAR later, I tried an ultrasound cavitation — a high-intensity ultrasound procedure that’s meant to make fat cells collapse or ‘explode’ in much the same way as radiofrequency, but this time using soundwaves. EXPERT VIEW: Dr Dhillon rates ultrasound over radiofrequency for fat reduction, but advises: ‘Results are inconsistent.’ He’s tried SlimMe and liposonix procedures, both of which aim to destroy fat