SO WHO DESERVES SUPPORT OF TARTAN ARMY?
We might not be at the Greatest Show on Earth (again) but that doesn’t mean thousands of Scots fans won’t be enthralled by events in Russia... but there remains just one small question as we gnash our teeth and cry into our beers
ARE you a smartmoney punter or a sentimentalist? A connoisseur of total football or totally won over by the thought of underdogs snarling and scrapping their way to improbable triumph?
We should be old hands at this by now. Picking some other country to support at a World Cup has been Scotland’s national summer sport every four years since 2002.
Some will tell you that it’s better this way. That being freed from the angst of having our boys in the tournament, relieving the everpresent cringe as we await yet another humiliating exit, makes it easier to enjoy the pure glory of football played at the highest level.
Utter nonsense. There is nothing in sport, absolutely nothing, to touch the emotional kick of having
your country compete on the grandest stage of all.
But this is our lot. At least for the moment. So, until our glorious World Cup return in 2022 (2026 at the latest, honest), we’re free to lend our considerable backing to some other lucky bunch. If you’re still struggling to decide,
Sportsmail offers a guide to the nations most likely, most loveable and least likely to appeal to Scots.
For the romantics/glory hunters ARGENTINA
It just won’t feel right if Lionel Messi, the greatest footballer ever to lace up boots, ends his career without lifting the World Cup.
Some even argue that he needs this trophy in order to wrest GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) status away from Diego Maradona; Argentina’s collective triumph in Mexico 32 years ago becomes more of a one-man mission with each retelling of the tale.
Jorge Sampaoli’s team will have to play well just to progress from a group that pits them against Nigeria, Croatia and Iceland.
With Paulo Dybala, Sergio Aguero and Gonzalo Higuain also in the squad, however, they shouldn’t be short of goals.
And don’t tell us you wouldn’t grin like a loon if wee Leo scored a couple of wonder goals in a magical final, making the world a better place just by being him.
SPAIN
Who doesn’t love Andres Iniesta? As his career begins to wind down, it’s hard to imagine there could be a more popular winner than the little glow-worm who has provided so much entertainment for a global audience over the years.
OK, so a victory for Spain would also mean Bond baddie Sergio Ramos getting to celebrate another glorious moment.
But you can’t fail to be impressed by how the Spanish move the ball at speed. There are times when it looks like they’re playing a different sport from their opponents.
FRANCE
Ah, the Auld Alliance. An understanding greatly enhanced by our experiences dans Paris, Bordeaux and Saint-Etienne during the wondrous summer of 1998.
There are plenty of reasons to love the French, especially when you look at the squad put together by Didier Deschamps, who is heading into his second World Cup as head coach.
Much will depend on whether Paul Pogba taps into even 80 per cent of his talent.
And an injury to Antoine Griezmann would pretty much finish France at a stroke.
But it’s possible to imagine N’Golo Kante playing the water carrier role with the same beautiful efficiency that made Deschamps such an important part of France’s victory 20 years ago — and getting the same result.
BRAZIL
Installed as favourites by the bookies, the boys in the famous yellow jerseys have lost their status as everyone’s favourite team over the past few decades.
No longer mystery men who would surprise and delight the world every four years, their players now drawn almost exclusively from Europe’s major clubs, the Brazilians still boast a certain aura.
Neymar, Coutinho, Jesus, Paulinho… If they click, few will be able to live with them.
Interestingly, their defensive record in qualifying was outstanding, by traditional Brazilian standards, conceding just 11 goals in 18 games.
It’s almost as if the pain of being thrashed 7-1 by Germany, at home, in the World Cup semi-final, taught them something.
Their full-backs will still play like wingers and the onus will remain on speedy attack, however. It could be fun.
ENGLAND
A genuine ‘second team’ for many Scots. Not anyone who actively supports our own national football team, of course; rivalry is rivalry and all that.
Nor will this appeal to anyone who spends more than three minutes listening to some BBC panel get carried away with ‘our’ chances.
But they are our nearest and dearest neighbours. And Gareth Southgate is a genuinely lovely guy.
We wish him well. Through gritted teeth …
The outsiders ICELAND
Their mere presence on this stage should make everyone involved in Scottish football feel black, burning shame the next time they try to
play the ‘small country’ card as an excuse for failing to qualify. With their puny population and their Viking clap celebrations, the smallest nation ever to play at World Cup Finals will be defensive, hard to beat — and brutally efficient on the counter-attack. Underdogs? They reached the last 16 of the Euros. But, yes, they’re outsiders on this stage.
The hipsters’ choice URUGUAY
Oscar Tabarez has put together a wonderfully retro game plan using a throwback 4-4-2 formation. Within that ‘classic’ set-up, however, his team combine defensive discipline with invention all over the midfield.
Luis Suarez is the obvious No 9 but does Edinson Cavani really work as a No 10 or an 8½? His xg numbers are through the roof …
And the teams we just can’t bring ourselves to support… Ever.
GERMANY
They’re like that ‘friend’ who is taller, better looking, earns more while working less and plays off a plus-one handicap. Without ever visiting the driving range.
You may admire the man. But it’s still OK to wish for him to slip while carrying a tray of drinks, ripping his trousers — a 31 long, naturally — right up the backside in the process.
RUSSIA
Even without official Foreign Office advice, how could you even think of supporting Vladimir Putin’s boys after everything that has been going on lately?
State-sponsored doping, a strong suspicion that they won the hosting rights through means not entirely fair… Russia are lucky they haven’t been thrown out of international sport altogether.
Fortunately, they are a bit rubbish. So last 16 and out. Hopefully.
Not a hope IRAN, COSTA RICA, PERU, MOROCCO.
You all know why. Let’s never speak of this again.