ROYAL FAMILY’S FIRST GAY WEDDING
The extraordinary story of the Queen’s cousin Lord Ivar Mountbatten and the gay ‘gorgeous beast’ he’s set to marry. Most astonishing of all, Ivar’s being given away by his VERY understanding ex-wife
Lord Ivar Mountbatten, son of the 3rd Marquess of Milford Haven and cousin to the Queen, is in a reflective mood. He picks up a photograph taken 24 years ago on the day of his wedding to his former wife Penny, the mother of their three daughters. ‘That was the best day of my life,’ he says. ‘I loved it.’
Two years ago, Lord Ivar created quite a stir when he confessed to having struggled with his sexuality throughout most of that 16-year marriage. Finally, he admitted he was gay after finding contentment with his new love James Coyle, whom he met in the swish Swiss ski resort of Verbier.
Later this summer, the two men will marry in the private chapel on his magnificent country estate in devon. It will be the first ever samesex marriage in the extended royal Family.
For the sake of their daughters, Ella, 22, Alix, 20, and 15-year-old Luli, Lord Ivar, Penny and James, who now considers the girls to be his children, too, want the announcement to be handled with dignity. This is why we are all here in this, shall we say, rather unconventional family’s Grade I listed home near the village of Uffculme in devon.
‘We really are a funny threesome,’ quips Lord Ivar as he shows me into the drawing room. Penny and James both look bemused. ‘Not in
that way.’ He roars with laughter but knows he is enormously fortunate in the way life has turned out for him and his family.
For not only is Penny, from whom he was divorced eight years ago, incredibly supportive of the union, but she is actually going to give her former husband away at the ceremony.
‘It was the girls’ idea,’ says Penny in her first interview on this most sensitive of subjects. ‘It makes me feel quite emotional. I’m really very touched.’ Touched? Many women would be trashing the family pile.
Penny is the sort of attractive, sparky woman that most red-blooded males would be falling over themselves to whisk up the aisle. Isn’t it, well, a little odd to be handing over the husband she once loved with all her heart to another man?
‘Not at all. You and I have got on from the first ten seconds of meeting each other, haven’t we?’ she says to James, the man who is due to become her former husband’s husband.
‘What I don’t think Ivar realises is how much he has changed as a man since he “came out”. James is hugely responsible for that because he’s so much fun.
‘Ivar is so much more relaxed these days. He’s so much kinder. He’s become a great cook. I now call him Fanny Cradock. He probably wasn’t even aware that by keeping his sexuality a secret it was really quite tormenting him. Now it’s “out” he’s a completely different person. Everybody says they’ve never seen him happier.’
THIS impending marriage, indeed, has the full blessing of their extended family and those closest to them, including Lord Ivar’s lifelong friend Prince Edward, to whose eldest child he is a godparent. The Earl and Countess of Wessex are also godparents to his two eldest daughters.
‘Sophie and Edward know of our plans and are really excited for us,’ says Lord Ivar. ‘Sadly they can’t come to the wedding. Their diaries are arranged months in advance and they’re not around, but they adore James. Everyone adores him.
‘All my good friends have accepted James. I basically told everyone: “I’ve found somebody — it’s a bloke.” They just started laughing. Then they met James and one particular mate said: “If I was gay, I’d certainly go for him.”’ He lowers his voice conspiratorially as Penny and James disappear together to sort out lunch.
‘Now they’re both out of the room, I can say they are both so similar. James hates it when I say that, but, oh God, they’re so caring and so giving.
‘Growing up in Glasgow was challenging for James. He once overheard his father, who was a strict Catholic, calling him “the queer one”. He wondered who he was referring to.
‘James was once dangled by his ankles from a bridge, 40ft over the river Kelvin, by a bunch of thugs. When one of the thugs said, “Let him go,” he assumed they were going to allow him to escape. They were actually going to drop him in the river. He’s so sweet. He just thinks the best of everybody.’
He replaces the photograph of his earlier wedding, attended by Princess Margaret and Prince Edward, on the side. ‘I loved Penny when we were married, as I still do very much, and I loved our family unit,’ he says. ‘I never thought this would happen. It’s brilliant, but I never thought I’d marry a man.
‘When I mentioned it to our eldest daughter, Ella, she said, “oh Pap, it’s not a big deal. It’s so normal nowadays”. of course that generation, they’re completely cool about the concept of this — maybe not so cool about their own father, which is completely understandable.’ He sits forward on the sofa.
‘Being completely truthful, it doesn’t sit comfortably with me that I’m going out with a man,’ he confides. ‘I’ve lived my whole life as a heterosexual. So, all of a sudden, having a bloke around is unusual — even now. It’s brilliant but I suppose in an ideal world I would prefer to have a wife because that has always been the norm.
WE WERE talking with friends in Bermuda about this nature-nurture business not so long ago. I knew from the age of eight I was more attracted to men. I definitely think it’s in the genes. You’re either gay or you’re not.’
Penny and James, an airline cabin services director, return to the room. ‘Everything all right?’ he asks James. The two men are clearly inordinately fond of one