I ache to see friends in real life, not on a computer

This is an intriguing problem which many readers may not understand. Your parents’ generation (that’s me) often find the obsession with social media mystifying.

It’s one thing to use Facebook (as i do), but quite another to see social media as your sole method of communication. From the number of people i observe endlessly scrolling on their phones all the time, this must afflict a large part of the population. i use the word ‘afflict’ because i think it’s unhealthy.

so do you. But what’s odd is that somebody in your position (i had to cut your email, but readers need to know that you are, indeed, successful, with all the privileges that come with that happy state) is unable to deal with something like this.

You are sad and fed up because your old friends communicate on social media, but don’t make time to see you. You resent being ‘followed’ so much on that same social media — being in demand in a disembodied way, which has nothing to do with the real you — because it underlines your existential loneliness.

Then you confess to being ‘scared’ to meet new real people, just in case they keep you away from your unsatisfactory online relationships.

Can you see the contradictions? You’re chasing your tail. No wonder you are reduced to tears of frustration.

Do you talk to your husband about this? It worries me that somebody with a happy marriage can feel so lonely.

Don’t you ask friends round for dinner, as we do?

If a chum tries to cancel your ‘date’ with an invitation to ‘chat’ on social media, why don’t you message back: ‘That’s boring — I’m coming over to yours right now’?

self-employment can make you feel cut off, so that’s the cue to be energetically pro-active with friendships.

Frankly, if your old friends chuck you too many times, then perhaps you need to ask if they are worth clinging to. It’s natural to leave some folks behind as we journey through life.

I suggest you’re probably suffering from guilt that you have moved away from your class background (which you reveal in your uncut email) and therefore feel confused about your identity.

You don’t want your old friends to think you’ve got above yourself — which is surely all the more reason to let them know you need them and want to talk. I believe you are overthinking this, which many people do with problems. You don’t have to be ruled by social media; it’s entirely up to you to make it a useful servant.

so just relax, talk to your lovely husband, relish your life, and socialise with new people when you can, as well as reconnecting in a meaningful way with your friends. be in charge.