Keeping a dead trout down your trousers, Bear? Looks a bit fishy!

Bear’s Mission With Warwick Davis Horizon: Teenagers v Cancer — A User’s Guide

Bear Grylls probably drives with his head hanging out of the car window, tongue lolling, like a labrador. He certainly rides a helicopter that way.

For no reason at all, he stood on the runner, one hand hanging on to the door handle, as his chopper swooped low over the hills of the lake District in Bear’s Mission With Warwick Davis (ITV).

Bear always reminds me of manager David Brent in The Office, the ricky Gervais character who is convinced everyone thinks he’s cool. This time he was teaching invaluable survival skills to actor and quiz show host Warwick — how to obtain vital fluids by chewing raw fish eyes, for example.

you might think that fish eyes are mostly found in fish, which generally turn up in streams and rivers, which themselves tend to be good sources of fluids... but let’s not carp.

Bear produced the fish from the front of his waterproof leggings. No explanation was offered. Perhaps he always keeps a dead trout down there.

after cooking the fish in moss, the pair bedded down for the night in a cave that once had been an old slate quarry. Next morning, they did their stretches and set off, though Warwick appeared to be freshly shaved.

That prompts a question: did you really spend all night in that dank cave, chaps? Or did you consider that the lake District, being a tourist haven, does have some lovely hotels? and pubs, restaurants and cafes. a few might even have helipads.

Warwick seems a likeable bloke, happy to send himself up — unlike more pompous theatrical types — and proud of the star Wars and Harry Potter roles that have given his family financial security.

He didn’t much like abseiling or zip wires, and refused to pretend otherwise. Though he made a brave stab at everything, we can safely assume Warwick won’t be signing up for Bear’s other big show, spending weeks hunting crocodiles on a wretched Pacific island.

any inspiration this Mission might have supplied was neutralised by Bear’s insistence on flaunting his own logo on his brandname clothes.

If his message is that everyone can enjoy the great outdoors, it’s undermined by the implication that we should only attempt this while wearing the Bear Grylls gilet and underpants, with concealed fish pocket.

For real inspiration, we had the privilege of meeting 11 brave youngsters, all facing life-threatening illness with heart-warming courage, in Horizon: Teenagers v Cancer — A User’s Guide (BBC2).

It’s a clumsy title but it does sum up the documentary’s greatest significance: it will be a terrific help to anyone at any age, but especially the young, facing a cancer diagnosis.

There was no self-pity, and no false assurances either. One of the 11, Chloe, who was stricken with bone cancer at 15, died before she was able to start a drug trial. This show did not shy away from tragedy. But the emphasis was on humour, because fun is the best morale booster in hospital.

roger Daltrey, lead singer with The Who and a long-time campaigner for the Teenage Cancer Trust, dropped in on a music therapy session, and picked up an electric guitar.

For a moment, I thought he would smash it to splinters, Who-style. But it was worse — he sang a Johnny Cash number instead.

The young nurse smiled at him, the way nurses do on geriatric wards.

‘My dad’ll be super jealous,’ she said. Oooh. Ouch!