Box sets or the Beeb? Sorry, it’s no contest

THANK goodness the nights are drawing in. No more getting ‘out and about’ in the great outdoors, no more ‘making the most’ of the good weather.

No more pretending it’s warm enough for just one more barbecue then sitting in the garden swathed in the spare room duvet, trying to get the smell of smoke out of your hair.

Nope, from now on it’s perfectly acceptable to bolt the door, light the fire, pour a glass of red and curl up on the sofa with a box set.

What to watch, though? I don’t know about you, but I feel I’m way behind when it comes to the latest fashionable television show. I’ve yet to start Killing Eve, the thriller currently on BBC iPlayer that everyone’s raving about, or The Cry, which has apparently ably filled the Sunday night void left by the end of Bodyguard.

Then there’s Netflix, where there’s a new series of crime documentary Making a Murderer on the way, along with series two of the fiendishly addictive US drama The Sinner – not to mention series three of The Good Place, the best US sitcom I’ve seen since Frasier.

Next, there are all the shows I’ve taped and not got round to yet such as McMafia, Picnic at Hanging Rock, the second series of The Handmaid’s Tale… at this rate it’ll be May before I next poke my nose out the front door.

I wonder, then, what with all these top-notch award-winning dramas, comedies and documentaries to watch, where exactly BBC Scotland reckons its flagship channel, which launches next February, will fit in. Let’s have a look at what the Beeb is promising us, shall we?

First there’s River City, which will be aired now on the channel before being shown on BBC One.

Given that I’ve caught precisely 23 seconds of the soap since it debuted 16 years ago, I can’t see me giving up a box set for that one. Up next is something called Test Drive, presented by someone called Grado (a professional wrestler, apparently) which involves three teams of two going on a road trip to a mystery destination as a satnav asks questions and, oh dear, I appear to have lost the will to live.

Then there’s a nightly hour-long news show, a documentary about a YouTube ‘celebrity’ (a TV documentary about a YouTube star? There’s an irony buried in there somewhere), a People’s News show in which members of the public can ‘dial in’ (dear God no, have we learned nothing from Radio 4’s insufferable Any Answers?) and a scattering of shows presented by individuals who are barely household names in their households.

OH yes, and during the day there will be special treats, such as live coverage of First Minister’s Questions. Heavens to Betsy – is this really the best we can do?

Look, I don’t want this to seem like I’m doing down Scotland – I’m all for this country being as vibrant, creative and world-competing as possible – but the honest truth is that it’s the BBC that’s doing us down here, not to mention itself.

With the single honourable exception of Scot Squad, which is genuinely funny, worth seeking out and moving to the channel for its new series, there’s little to hold the attention here for even the most square-eyed of couch potatoes.

Perhaps ambitions will rise over the next few years. Perhaps this is just a faltering start. Indeed, channel bosses themselves say they have the freedom to experiment and the freedom to fail. That in itself is probably a good thing.

By 2021 I hope to be eating my words and raving evangelically about the latest unmissable BBC Scotland show. Until then though, I’ll stick to Netflix.