Unthinkable

After THAT humiliation in Haifa could this Scotland team now be heading for a new low?

WORST since the Faroe Islands. And entirely reminiscent, in both tone and content, of a performance that has become a kind of Scottish shorthand for humiliation and despair.

Among those who were in Toftir for Berti Vogts’ first competitive fixture as Scotland head coach back in September 2002, Thursday night’s events in Haifa were guaranteed to provoke an uncomfortably strong sense of deja vu.

That same sinking feeling started closing in as the current national select, ill at ease and incapable of avoiding a pummelling from poor, inept Israel, floundered their way to defeat.

And, amid the flashbacks of horrors past, one familiar phrase returned again and again: ‘They don’t know what they’re doing.’

That applied to players made to look dazed and confused in both attack and defence, blindly blundering forward without a clue or getting caught flat-footed by opponents working to a simple — but effective — plan.

It certainly summed up the impression created by a coaching staff who, naturally, will claim that they arrived in the Holy Land with a clever blueprint for success. It sure as hell didn’t look like that.

In fact, as Peter Grant and James McFadden were caught on camera talking across Alex McLeish from their seats on either side of the head coach, armchair fans would have been justified in wondering which of this triumvirate was making the big decisions.

Were they managing by committee, seeking a consensus before holding a vote and moving on to any other business? No COBRA crisis summit was ever quite so fraught as this.

The most glaring problem for McLeish and his backroom team, of course, was that they had failed before a ball was even kicked in Haifa.

Coaching 101 includes a whole module on identifying key opposition threats and, wherever possible, dedicating some effort to nullifying those danger men.

Even the diddy teams have a game breaker or two, someone capable of creating chances.

Remember Jakup a Borg? How about John Petersen? Winger and striker respectively, they were the only two players of even semi-professional ability in the Faroese side who hosted the Scots 16 years ago.

Twice in the first half, Borg skinned his man and laid the ball on a plate for Petersen. Twice, Petersen took the chance to score for his country.

Now fast forward to Thursday, as an Israel team who like to attack with pace down the wings were offered zero resistance by a visiting XI that never looked set up to combat this obvious ploy.

In no area of the park did Scotland appear to have a plan that would counter the home side.

As players started to figure this out for themselves, they became torn between adhering to instructions or doing the needful. The end result was utter confusion.

Take Kevin McDonald. He spent much of the game dithering over the need to press Israel’s deep-lying midfielders or sit as a screen between their passers and a dangerous striker.

He ended up stuck in no-man’s land, like a tennis player who can’t make up his mind whether to play from the baseline or the net. Try it — and see how often you get passed for winners.

Now, picking the best starting XI and putting together tactics that stand a chance of working is the most basic element of football management. If they can’t get that right…

What is it they say about battle plans, though? Not even the smartest scheme survives the first encounter with the enemy.

The reason McLeish is paid so handsomely by the SFA, the reason he has carved out a career for himself in coaching, is that he has — previously — been able to change things on the fly.

Professional football folk earn their corn by analysing situations quickly, working out why the original game plan isn’t working — and then coming up with a fix that is sufficiently uncomplicated to be applied without delay.

Famously, the whispers surrounding that bleak afternoon in the Faroes always held that Paul Lambert and Barry Ferguson had taken unofficial charge at half-time, enforcing the alterations that enabled Scotland to recover and steal a 2-2 draw.

Whoever was in control of the dressing room on Thursday, and whatever the message delivered, no one could say that the Scots improved after the break in Israel.

They deteriorated to such a degree, in truth, that a 4-1 or 5-1 scoreline would not have flattered the hosts.

Inevitably, because we Scots are enthusiastic masochists who like nothing better than torturing ourselves, conversation turns to where this latest embarrassment ranks in the nation’s horrible footballing history.

We have endured some real stinkers over the years. Been battered by the Welsh in Cardiff. Witnessed the abject surrender of lining up in a 4-6-0 formation in Prague.

Down the decades, we have underestimated minnows, descended to the lowest of occasions, committed brainless acts of self-destruction and just flat-out failed.

Until now, though, no nadir of the modern era has put the Tartan Army through anything to touch Toftir. Until now.

Five weeks from today, Scotland will be in Albania for a Nations League tie that suddenly looks daunting. Three days later, we welcome Israel to Hampden.

The worry is that a new low awaits, either in Shkoder or Mount Florida. Unthinkable? Think again.

A 4-1 or 5-1 scoreline wouldn’t have flattered Israel