The dastardly Mr Deedes ing biopic, Rocketman, isn’t the combustible crooner’s first foray into ads. He fronted a Royal Mail campaign in 2001 which ludicrously portrayed him doing his own shopping. Sir Elton had an album out around the same time.

‘May resigns!’ proclaimed the Twitterati excitedly shortly after the Prime Minister’s three-hour battering in the House of Commons yesterday. Closer inspection revealed Patisserie Valerie chief executive Paul May had finally fallen on his sword. Of course this would have been big news on any other day. Re Paul May, not a great deal is known about his replacement at Pat Val, the ex-PwC bean-counter Stephen Francis. Though I notice he was previously a director of something called Fancy a Quickie Limited. What’s that? A run-ofthe-mill food processing company, apparently. Boring! John Lewis’s customarily syrupy Christmas advertisement featuring Sir Elton John, which can do no harm for his upcom- Speaking of ageing rockers, following Somerset Capital founder-cum-Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg’s typically baroque performance in the Commons yesterday – ornate diction, wide-lapelled Savile Row suiting, etc – are you tickled to learn Ye Olde Moggster is two years younger than gobby Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher? Headline last night on German tabloid Der Spiegel’s website : ‘Die Geprügelte Premierministerin.’ This means ‘The Beaten Prime Minister’, though Google chose to translate it as ‘The whipped Prime Minister’. I’m not sure the second version was more apposite. Creepy-looking Amazon chief Jeff Bezos’s decision to build two new headquarters in Virginia and New York is estimated to be costing him £4bn. He’s only recently paid for the online retailer’s new Seattle campus, at a cost of £3bn. Two spectacular transparent orbs housing a rainforest sit out front where stressed employees can go and relax. Business journalist Martin Vander Weyer, who visited last week, reports: ‘They’re known locally as Jeff’s Balls.’