Cushy jail that’s like a Caribbean cruise . . . but with bigger cabins LAST NIGHT’S TV The Best Little Prison In Britain? Our Cops In The North HHIII HHHHI

Jails are great places to shoot a documentary. so are cruise ships. What could promise us better telly than a combination of the two?

Jurby Prison isn’t actually on a ship, but it might as well be. The only functioning prison on the isle of Man and built at a cost of £41.7 million, it offers its clientele a gym, games room, freedom to stroll on the decks or ‘landings’ all day, and spacious accommodation — much roomier than the average cabin on a holiday liner.

it’s popular with courting couples, featuring wings for men and women who can mix during visiting time.

Many people like it so much they come to stay with their families. Hardly surprising that the show is called The Best Little Prison In Britain? (iTV).

Not everyone approves of the laidback atmosphere: the jail’s head of security, Margo Cain, complained: ‘The world’s gone soft, it’s all nicey nicey. in here, they’ve got no worries about bills, they haven’t got to worry about the wife . . .’

if you fancy a break, no need to book — one chap was inside for hitting his mum over the head with a rolled up magazine, and another for chucking a glass of water over his wife. Even having a row in the street can get you nicked on the isle of Man.

This was all amiable and jaunty, and stephen Fry’s voiceover very carefully neglected to mention that Jurby was criticised by the chief inspector of prisons in 2011: its ‘lack of bureaucracy’ and ‘too casual approach’ led to violent bullying and a rampant drugs problem.

in fact, doing time on the island hasn’t always been like a Caribbean cruise — not that you’d learn it from this show. The former prison on Victoria Road in the capital Douglas was a bleak fortress of slate and turrets, with a reputation for being haunted.

in cells three and four, unquiet spirits banged on the ceilings in the night. Prisoners slept with Bibles under their bed to ward off demons. Now that would make a juicy documentary.

The closest we got to a glimpse of Jurby’s reality came after inmate Goldie, a man with ‘thug life’ tattooed across his beer belly, tried to conduct his own courtroom defence. Charged with actual bodily harm, he talked himself into a five-year sentence.

Goldie had been happy to play along with the documentary team, flirting with his wife (also a prisoner) and joshing with the prison guards. He was preparing for his trial by reading Forensics For Dummies.

But when he heard his fate, he looked appalled. Perhaps life in Jurby jail isn’t as much fun as this show pretends.

The excellent police documentary Our Cops In The North (BBC1) has managed the mix of whimsy and harsh reality far better.

Much of the final episode was occupied with the hunt for poachers and sheep rustlers. One gang stole 360 lambs, worth around £30,000. During a highly organised operation, involving gamekeepers, farmers and volunteers, police swooped — and caught two men with an air rifle and a bag of rabbits.

Carefully treading a line between farce and horror, this was contrasted with the hunt for two car-jackers who dragged a 19-year-old woman from her vehicle at knife-point before running her over.

still, the scales came down on the side of humour. During the Great Poacher stake-Out, one constable stopped to investigate a car parked in a rural lane.

‘steamy windows?’ he mused. ‘They’ll not be poachers.’ a moment later, his suspicions were confirmed.

The occupants, he reported, were ‘a more aged couple’.