It’s all his own fault — tell him No

STEPH SAYS:

YOu say that the issue of this will is causing you great difficulty, so I assume he wants you to change it. I understand why you are hesitant to do so. after 40-odd years of marriage, your husband betrayed you in the most excruciating way, and this will have affected you deeply.

this was clearly not a little fling — you ended up divorced, for heaven’s sake! You went through the hideous trauma of splitting up and selling your family home, only to watch the man you love bed down with another — younger — woman.

this is every happily married woman’s worst nightmare, and couldn’t have been more brutal. So I implore you to stop feeling as if you are in the wrong by not fulfilling his every whim!

I am also curious as to why you have not remarried your ex-husband? Might it be true to say that a small part of you is somewhat reticent? It would be entirely understandable were that to be the case.

But if you don’t want to be married to him, why would you want to leave all your worldly goods to him? I urge you to be very cautious here. What bothers me is why he wants you to do this. I cannot help but feel there is a hidden agenda at play.

People can be truly awful when it comes to wills and money. For some people it’s over a fortune, for others a small amount, but there’s something about the messages that people read into the leaving of money that can really upset the applecart.

Somehow, people attach an emotional value to a financial one — indicating that if you really loved him, you’d leave him all your money. Well, no. this is a ludicrous notion and should be squashed immediately.

It’s entirely natural that you’d want to leave it to your children — who are also, it should be pointed out, his children! I am genuinely astounded that he wants you to put him before your children, especially after what he did to all of you.

Pushing you in this way also sounds rather controlling. If you want to spend all your money on shoes, or leave the lot to the cats home, it is your prerogative.

Because of his actions, you are no longer married. as a result, your finances are not entwined in the way they are when you’re married. this is his doing, and I feel that he’s breathtakingly lucky that you’ve been so forgiving in the first place.

I feel he’s come off rather well and should be grateful to be back in your affections at all, never mind back in your wallet!

there is a far bigger conversation that needs to take place here. he should be doing everything he can to heal the wounds that he has inflicted and doing everything in his power to show you love and, above all, honesty.

he has to persuade you that he’s never going to betray your trust again! I counsel you not to change your will. In fact, don’t even consider it.