MAD FOR BRAD ALL OVER AGAIN!

After that swooningly delicious debut, he hit the Pitts. Mail’s JANGELINA MOIR says But the ... now he’s reached 55, she’s that,

FIrST of all I want to say thank you. Thank you for finally breaking free from angelina and saving your best years for women everywhere, but mostly for me.

It has been a long wait, but I like to think it has been worth it, for all of us, for both of us, but yes, mostly for me. For now, at 55, you look better than you ever did. and Brad, that is saying something.

With your dirty blond hair and that chiselled jaw, you have always had classic movie-star good looks, but in your case suffused with something more soulful; like some heavenly hybrid of robert redford and fluffy puppy. remember I said exactly that to you many years ago? and you lovingly replied that if I didn’t move away from the entryphone at the gate, you would call the police?

My sweet Brad. We have always been close, you and I — inside the whirling canyons of my mind, if nowhere else. and it was a silly mistake, just a slipped vowel between two colliding worlds, when you accidentally married Jen instead of Jan all those years ago. How well I remember that wedding! One that I had certainly expected to see through a veil, Brad, but not a veil of tears.

It was unusual because the groom was almost as pretty as the bride. It still pains me to think about it. But I forgive you, like I always do. and let us not speak of the angelina years, just focus on the fact that you always come back to us, but mostly to me.

and now with two marriages and six children in your wake, you are like a great sail unfurling on the home stretch, like a fine wine uncorking in slo-mo as you upgrade from classic vintage to a grand cru. No longer the pin-up pretty boy, you have become more and not less attractive with the passing years.

all this is brought sharply into focus in your new film, Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood. You play the role of Cliff Booth, stuntman to actor rick dalton (Leonardo diCaprio.) You really are the tough guy he only pretends to be onscreen. In one entirely gratuitous but glorious scene you climb onto his roof to fix the TV aerial. It is hot up there, so you stick a beer into your tool belt and whip off your shirt.

There are actual gasps in the cinema when this happens and Brad, not all of them came from me. Women across the land are going absolutely crazy about how gorgeous you are in 2019 Technicolor — and how fabulous it is that you have maintained your physicality with discipline and workouts.

darling Brad, I like to think that every time you pick up a dumb-bell in the gym, you think of me, your precious Jangelina. In the meantime, let us consider exactly why everyone is mad for Brad . . .