Cheating son’s wife wants us to take her side

Of COURSE it is easy to see how as a mother you feel torn — so perhaps you will expect my reply to be neutral. Yet that’s difficult because, from my perspective, as an outsider, one outcome matters more than any other.

Nowadays being ‘judgmental’ is frowned on, yet here we have an all-too-familiar story where a man in his 40s hates getting old and tires of responsibility so kicks up his heels — and his family over.

Am I supposed to say, ‘Poor thing, his wife must have been difficult, and anyway we all have to seize the time’?

No I will not. You make it clear he is hurting his children through his selfish behaviour with his sexy young lover — and to me (and many other people, I’m sure) that is straightforwardly wrong.

Many of us have been seduced into nibbling the delicious green grass the other side of the fence, but for heaven’s sake let us not make easy excuses for such behaviour.

Yes, I can understand you find yourself in a difficult position. On the one side of the scales, you have your selfish, spoilt, wealthy son — and we mothers go a long way with heavy-hearted, unconditional

love, don’t we? On the other side, there is your poor Italian daughter-in-law (who’s come to love you as a mother-figure) and those two grandchildren.

For me there is no contest and therefore no choice. I believe your duty lies in supporting those three blameless people, even at the cost of annoying and alienating your son. The way you set out your email suggests you’ve been intending to write for a while.

Now you’ve seen the situation deteriorate, you finally decided to send it.

But I’m sure you went on hoping it would all turn out well, that they would either get back together or part amicably with your son continuing to be a decent dad. But he just blew that, didn’t he? By choosing his girlfriend over his children on this holiday, he gave you no choice.

You say you don’t know what to do. Well, for a start, you must assure your daughter-in-law that she has your support 100 per cent and that you will do all in your power to ensure she is treated well in the divorce settlement.

Then, I would invite the teenage grandchildren to stay with you, to give you proper time to try to talk the situation through with them, because what they are about to face down the line could be horribly disruptive for their schooling.

Of course, you will tell your son exactly what you are doing — and why.

Is there really any choice?