I can’t leave this rude, horrible man
YOur email subject line was, ‘Why can I not let go of an emotionally abusive relationship?’ which pre-empts my reply. It’s all there, isn’t it?
You are perfectly aware of the nature of this involvement. I find it hard to use the word ‘relationship’ — in fact increasingly, as an advice columnist, I find myself questioning the over-used word ‘love’ as well. (At least you don’t use that one).
The whole idea of a ‘relationship’ implies a connection, a mutuality. Does that describe the emotional prison you have put yourself in? Like so many people, you are locked into a delusion, as well as a miserable entanglement.
Ten years ago you already had two children yet tell me nothing about them or their father. What happened? It seems an extraordinary omission. Do you see
them? What do they think of this man?
Your thoroughly depressing tale actually contains the lives of four children of different ages, innocents who seem side-lined by two adults who dislike each other yet stay locked in mutally assured destruction.
Please, I beg you, read aloud your words a couple of times and ask yourself how this sounds to a stranger? Which includes our readers. Pathetic and sad? Of course. Pitiable? Yes. But also frustrating to those who believe we have a duty to take control of our lives, if at all possible. Believing it is possible would be a start.
I’m wondering what was it in your background that turned you into this helpless victim and whether you have ever sought help for what seem like chronic issues of low self-esteem?
Talking to a professional would surely be helpful — although I do realise that, for some, there are financial constraints. But please consider it. You need help — and soon. You sound depressed and it will only get worse while you stay with this man who hurts you every day.
He says it would be better to split up, yet you resist. What’s going on? I suggest you visit liveboldandbloom. com/07/relationships/womenstay-abusive-relationships which gives nine reasons why women stay in abusive relationships. Please read through them carefully and take some time to consider which parts apply to you.
I now have to bat your last question right back to you — in the hope you may be able to answer it for yourself.
At 51 you have (hopefully) many years ahead — years in which you can do things, meet people, listen, learn, love. Yes, I used the ‘L’ word absent from your email.
You are perfectly aware that you are wasting your life in this awful, loveless prison. The man makes your life a misery — so please just listen to him now and take back your freedom.