Scottish Daily Mail

Waiter, waiter …stop serving up pomposity!

- By David Wilkes

HOWEVEr delicious that meal out might have been, who hasn’t been left with a bad taste in their mouth by the overcooked descriptio­ns of it?

Now the nauseating­ly pretentiou­s likes of ‘artisanal’ bread and ‘hand-cut’ chips have been shamed in a top ten of restaurant­s’ most annoying affectatio­ns.

Its author russell Norman, founder of the Polpo Venetian restaurant­s, said: ‘An artisan is simply someone who has a special skill, so describing your bread as artisanal means “made by a baker” and artisanal cheese is, guess what, “made by a cheesemake­r”.

‘I cannot forgive “hand-cut”. This pointless prefix, too often used when describing chips, inevitably provokes the response “as opposed to what?” How else would you cut something? With a knee?’

He also serves up a dollop of opprobrium for waiters and waitresses who tell customers to ‘enjoy’ their meal when placing anything on their table.

He described it as ‘appallingl­y insincere’, adding: ‘I want to reply: “Don’t you tell me what to do” but instead I grimace, a rictus smile fixed on to the mask that hides my sobbing soul.’

Other examples that stick in his throat include waitresses asking ‘is everything OK?’. He said: ‘The question the waitress should be asking, with a big smile, is “do you have everything you need?”.’

Nor can he abide waiters who insist they do not need a pen and paper as they will remember everyone’s orders perfectly.

‘Of course they will always forget something… and when, inevitably they do, I will want to grab Mr Memory and shout “Why didn’t you write it down?”,’ he said in an article for food and drink magazine Noble rot.

He also takes aim at staff who ask if he understand­s the restaurant’s ‘concept’. ‘You feel like shouting “it’s okay. We get it. We order the food and you bring it to the table!”’ he said.

Another gripe includes the novelty crockery chips are often served in, such as flowerpots and toy shopping trolleys.

 ??  ?? Irritated: Russell Norman
Irritated: Russell Norman

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United Kingdom