Well done for keeping your dignity

DOM SAYS:

FIRSTLY, I’m so sorry to hear that you had your heart broken so badly. It must have been incredibly distressing to have your future hopes dashed like that — and I really don’t blame you for retreating from the fray.

In fact, more than not blaming you, I applaud you for not going down the casual sex route. It often seems as though people today have sex as easily as they shake hands. We do seem to live in a very casual world, and some people barely need to be introduced before they’re at it.

I’m no prude, but I really don’t think one-night stands are good for anyone, so I’m not surprised you say they left you cold. Good for you for admitting it!

Sex with someone you don’t know is generally heartless — and who would want that in their life? I congratulate you on maintaining your dignity.

Throughout our lives, we have good sex, bad sex, mediocre sex, fantastic sex — and no sex at all! It varies, and it’s completely normal. It ebbs and flows.

Here’s another thing people rarely admit: sex isn’t that big a deal. I know many happily married couples who haven’t had sex for years. We live in a society that tries to convince us that if we haven’t had sex eight times before breakfast, then we’re failures. It’s absolute blithering rubbish. Believe me when I tell you, we all get headaches.

In the real world, we’re all worried about life and love and dashing about frantically just getting on with things — we’re not spending our time thinking about sex or having it anything like as frequently as people would have you believe.

And here’s the thing: it’s not about knowing how to have good sex, it’s about having it with the right person. Good sex is about compatibility — not ability.

Which leads me on to my next point — how to find the right person. I must say, I know everyone seems to be on websites and the like, but I also think they often have an emphasis on sex.

If you do decide to go down the online dating route, I’d make it clear in your profile that you’re looking for friendship and companionship first and foremost — that should weed out the men only looking for one thing.

Actually, I think focusing on friends is the right thing to do in any case. Join a book club. Take up a sport. Find a new hobby. Fill your life with things that interest you, but stop trying to find something that frightens you.

People come into our lives at the strangest moments. When the right person does appear, this will stop being an issue.