What do we want ... more apologies!

AS TOLD TO CRAIG BROWN

People have been asking for an apology. So let me make it clear. I’ll take it on the chin. I own this disaster, so I apologise. And I make no apology for apologising.

I apologise to all those wonderful labour Mps who lost their seats.

I apologise to all our campaigners.

I apologise to all those people who so desperately need a labour government.

I apologise to all the citizens of the world, from Iceland to Tasmania, from Indonesia to Venezuela, who were literally crying out for a brilliant labour government led by Jeremy Corbyn.

I apologise to those who were forced, through no fault of their own, to place a cross in the wrong place on the ballot paper, because their hands were being guided by the monstrously overweight billionaire capitalists who control our mass media.

And I apologise to those who feel, for reasons of their own, that their individual concerns have not been covered by this apology. I’d remind them that this is why we campaigned — and will continue to campaign — to bring all their concerns under public control.

In fact, I have long argued that apologies themselves should be subject to proper controls. At the moment, demand for apologies far exceeds supply. our people — good people — are crying out for more apologies. There are massive apology shortages in the North east and the South West, and everywhere in between.

Which is why in our manifesto we promised to pump £50billion into a new Universal Apology Strategy, so that apologies can be delivered as and when required to those who need them most.

let me make it absolutely clear. If anyone’s to blame for our election defeat, it is me.

That’s if you could call it a defeat.

Isn’t it interesting, though, that people are going round calling it that.

I actually think it’s very largely a media portrayal. So I’ll say it again. There’s an urgent need for a full and open discussion about whether we as a society should allow that word ‘defeat’ to be bandied about quite so freely.

let me finish. one recent study found that upwards of 78per cent of labour Mps held onto their seats in the recent General election. And that’s a huge percentage. Now in any other walk of life, 78 per cent would be seen as a tremendous victory.

If a student got 78 per cent in an exam he would get a first-class degree. And rightly so.

But the Tory media continues to distort that figure so as to suggest that labour in some mysterious way suffered a ‘defeat’!

And that’s how the establishment will always portray anyone who tries to take them on. First they’ll beat them, and then they’ll call them losers.

But, as I say, I totally take the blame for what happened.

I admit fully that my judgment was probably coloured by my tendency to be too honourable. But I have no recollection of any election defeat, none whatsoever.

I am prepared to admit mistakes. You could say that one of our biggest mistakes was to produce a firstrate manifesto with a fantastic programme of farreaching plans for transforming our country. But that’s not what I’d call a mistake.

DoN’T think I haven’t sat down and asked myself where it all went wrong. I admit that completely. I have sat down, and I am sitting down, and I will continue to sit down for as long as it takes. I have, in fact, long advocated a prolonged programme of sitting down for the vast majority of the British people.

I am proud to have delivered a manifesto that advocated our strongest-ever commitment to sitting down, with billions of pounds’ worth of investment not only in kitchen chairs and armchairs but also in sofas and fully sustainable bean-bags.

And after a sustained programme of sitting down, the conclusion I have come to is that if we are going to accept the need to change, we must be sure to remain exactly as we are.

I apologise that our manifesto and our analysis of society were absolutely correct in every detail. If our party is to go forward, we must turn around, and then continue to go backward while facing the future.

And for that, I do not apologise.