Today’s Poem

THE OFFICE PARTY

The office is closed, we’re having a do If the boss finds out, trouble will brew, It’s Christmas party time, you see Tonight we’ll be merry as can be.

No one will know we’ve had a few cans, All will be left spick and span, If the cleaner comes in and causes a riot, We’ll bribe her with gin to keep her quiet.

Tony’s brought drinks to fill a pub, Someone else has provided the grub, Nick’s blowing balloons like he’s fit to burst, If he goes any redder, we’ll fear the worst.

Darren is here — he’s from dispatch — His favourite saying is: ‘Down the hatch.’ Sean is telling his risque jokes What is it with these rugby blokes?

Carol’s away with a bottle of rum, Lucy’s photocopied her... tum Vicky’s insulting her boss in an email, Forgets, presses ‘send’ and lets out a wail.

Ian (accounts) leads the quiz team, He’s eyeing the figures, but not on the screen, Someone walks round with a bin on their head. ‘Exterminate, exterminate,’ is that what they said?

Bev is doing her karaoke, Others are doing the hokey-cokey, Jan’s dancing solo to a tune called Bend It, One more drink and that’ll end it.

Everyone’s having a whale of a time, Must do this more often, it’s just sublime, ‘Don’t speak too soon,’ goes the old saying, But what could go wrong? The music’s still playing.

Then Olly and Mart, while having a tussle, Break the glass with too much muscle, Fire alarm sounds, sprinklers switch on, Something tells us it’s time we were gone.

Just when the shindig is in full swing, The lights go out and we can’t see a thing, It’s getting wet as the sprinklers pour, (Never needed wellies at a party before).

Brigade’s nearly here, the sirens yell, Forget the beer, we’re running pell-mell, What happens tomorrow, we dare not think, All we planned was a friendly drink.

The Jobcentre beckons, it’s curtains for us, (That’s after we’ve had ‘a word’ with the fuzz), So if it’s a party you have planned, Make sure it’s the pub — you can only get banned!