Fed-up Corbyn was like a surly old man growling at the youngsters in the pub
ANDREW Bowie, my boy, you took the words right out of my mouth, calling out across the Commons in your genteel Scots brogue.
The Conservative member for West Aberdeenshire and Kincardine, and loyal parliamentary private secretary to Theresa May until the brutal end, had taken up a berth at PMQs yesterday at a direct 45 degree angle to Jeremy Corbyn.
The Leader of the Opposition was using his allotted questions to attack the Government’s spending pledges on the NHS.
With almost Wildean selfaggrandisement, he began to reference Labour’s general election manifesto. You heard me right!
That 105-page pamphlet of pecuniary piffle which pledged the renationalisation of major services and free broadband for all.
The manifesto that – only four weeks ago – the electorate took one peek at, sighed and tossed straight into the waste paper basket. As a cocky Mr Corbyn suggested popping a copy into the Prime Minister’s inbox, Bowie, whose flappy ears had developed a Vulcan-like twitch, leaned forward, cupped his hands and bellowed: ‘YOU LOST!’
From the Government benches, there came a steady chorus of schoolboy sniggers. The difference between the two sides of the House at the moment could not be more marked. The Government front benches fizz boisterously. New MPs turn out in force. Even Welsh Questions yesterday morning was jam-packed.
Crispin Blunt (Con, Reigate) moaned to Speaker Sir Lindsay Hoyle that non-religious types (he was speaking of himself) who don’t turn up early for morning prayers in the Chamber and bag their seat don’t get a look in. ‘I had that problem in 1997,’ drawled Labour man Sir Lindsay, referring to Tony Blair’s landslide victory.
Down on the front bench, whenever Boris spoke, Chancellor Sajid Javid thumped his fists triumphantly. Home Secretary Priti Patel grinned like a gangster’s moll, giving her boss reassuring rubs on the forearm. There were repeated questions from Conservative MPs about superfast internet access.
‘Gigabit broadband’ as Boris refers to it with exaggerated annunciation. This is the sort of issue to excite the electorate... echoes of Harold Wilson’s talk of harnessing the ‘white heat’ of technology.
The PM’s wealthy friend Andrew
Griffith (Con, Arundel and South Downs) made his debut to point out how vital top-speed internet is to small and growing businesses.
He wanted assurances that the Government’s scheme to guarantee minimum broadband speeds around the country were on track to launch in March. Mr Griffith, incidentally, was recently an executive at Sky and is probably worth listening to.
CONTRAST this with the sullen atmosphere on the Opposition benches. Corbyn looked dreadful. Red-faced, fed up. He reminded me of one those surly old men who slump in the corner in a pub, growling irritably at the younger patrons. Behind him, no one cheers.
SNP leader Ian Blackford was beating the independence drum, surprise, surprise. He accused the Government of being a ‘democracy denier’. Anyone would think the 2014 referendum never happened. ‘Change the record,’ Boris groaned.
Speaker Sir Lindsay is doing a great job, by the way, keeping the session to its half-hour time limit by moving proceedings along at a brisk pace. It makes for far more pleasant viewing, like watching a fast game of tennis. Quick game’s a good game and all that.
Whenever someone prattles on a bit too long, Sir Lindsay gives a diplomatic twirl of his spectacles to indicate time’s up.
His predecessor John Bercow preferred to stick his tongue out and make an unpleasant ‘eurrgghh’ noise. I know which I prefer.