Feeling Chirpy in my hazmat suit

THINGS are moving so fast, it’s difficult to keep up with the latest developments.

on Tuesday, i suggested that it would only be a matter of time before people started wearing gas masks on public transport.

Hey, presto! The next day a man turned up at Milton Keynes railway station doing just that.

since then we’ve seen all manner of makeshift protective headgear, including a woman wearing a plastic food container on a bus. she looked like lord Buckethead, from the Monster raving loony Party.

i also mentioned that another columnist had written that her husband had stockpiled 100 toilet rolls. By yesterday, supermarket shelves had been stripped of Charmin and andrex soft quilted.

in australia and singapore, people have been panic buying condoms to wear on their fingers when they press lift buttons.

How long before that catches on here and durex supplies are exhausted? stand by for a coronavirus baby boom in nine months’ time.

still, i may mock, but as i conceded on Tuesday there’s obviously something to worry about. Given that i was going to what we used to call White Hart lane on Wednesday night, i thought i’d better take precautions before i mingled with 60,000 potential coronavirus super-spreaders.

My Hurt locker suit is at the dry cleaners and Millets had sold out of army surplus gas masks. so i had to improvise.

i hope this outfit did the trick.

Mind you, after seeing spurs lose at home for the second time in four days, i can’t help thinking i’d have been better off self-isolating.