In times of crisis, the least we can do is care
NEXT week will be the first anniversary of my Dad’s death. I am dreading it, for painful and obvious reasons, and there’s only one place I can imagine being – with my mother. And that’s exactly where I planned to be, until this week.
My Mum is, well, a little older than me. This makes me worry about what I, or my fiancé, might inadvertently pass on if we spent the night in her home.
We both work in jobs that involve meeting people and spending time in busy environments, and on a daily basis walk through a city exposing ourselves to goodness knows what (except that now, we know exactly what).
‘I think we should all be thinking about our elderly relatives,’ said Boris Johnson on Thursday, as he announced the latest measures to tackle coronavirus. ‘And everything we can do to protect them over the next few months.’
The sentiment, of course, is spot on. The reality, though, is somewhat more nuanced.
First of all ‘the elderly’, a phrase that never goes down well with anyone who could reasonably be described as ‘elderly’ in the first place, have their own opinions on how to protect themselves, coronavirus or no coronavirus. They are not a homogenous group who can be ordered about at will. Trust me: try it at your peril.
At the same time, the older members of our society are clearly at risk from the pandemic seemingly sweeping the globe. The vast majority of deaths from coronavirus worldwide have been amongst the over-70s, and they are most likely to suffer complications.
But simply telling an older person to ‘stay at home’ is worryingly unhelpful advice. What about shopping? Medication? Basic human contact? Loneliness is one of the greatest scourges for older people. Even without a pandemic to contend with, they can often go for days without seeing another person. The measures put in place will, in some cases, only further isolate the most isolated in our society.
Some care homes have already banned visitors. Others talk about using Skype or FaceTime so relatives can keep in touch, but as anyone who’s tried to teach someone from the predigital era how to use FaceTime on an iPad knows, it can be an unrewarding venture.
So what to do? Leave the older people in our lives to fester, in case we make them ill? Or risk it, and risk everything?
The situation is changing terrifyingly fast, as the rapidly rising numbers show. While I was writing this column, the first Scottish death from coronavirus was reported. Shockingly, we know now it will be the first of many.
I’VE never lived through a pandemic before, and I don’t have an answer. What I do know, though, is that we can all do little things. Pick up the phone. Send an email. One of the local cafes in my area is organising a drop-off service of free soup for the elderly. I’ve offered to do any shopping for an older neighbour if she becomes wary of leaving the house.
I am cautious when it comes to talk about the ‘Blitz spirit’ and ‘keep calm and carry on’ when carrying on could have devastating consequences. But I do think that even though we are living in extraordinary times, we can still continue to be compassionate.
As for Mum and I, we’ll take it day by day. And if circumstances mean I have to cancel, we’ll find other ways to mark our loss. Because if there’s one thing our elders learnt a long time ago, it’s that in times of crisis the very least we can do is take care of each other.