Duchesses’ duel of the tights is all a game of thrones
Can it be true that the beautiful wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, which unfurled before a global TV audience of many millions at home and abroad, took place without anyone realising that a terrible hosiery-based solecism had been committed?
Brace yourselves for a shock, but — if high society bible Tatler is to be believed — this is indeed the case. The six tiny flower girls, including Princess Charlotte, looked lovely in their highwaisted silk dresses with puffed sleeves — but they were not wearing tights.
Let me repeat. They frolicked in front of HM The Queen with their bare little leggies on show, which apparently is not acceptable at court. I know. It was 2018, not 1820, but still.
It is now claimed that it is was these tights — or lack thereof — that originally caused the rift between the soonto-be Duchess of Sussex (Californian, let it all hang out, anti-tights) and the Duchess of Cambridge (Home Counties, stickler, pro-tights protocol).
Does it explain the froideur that persists today? It is certainly true that an ocean of misunderstanding opened up between them.
The complicated conventions of the upper echelons of society can be a mystery to us all. and, of course, weddings often ignite family feuds; the pressure of the occasion heated up by old slights and fresh dissents can lead to an explosive situation.
RoyaL weddings bristle with extra layers of historical rules and starchy etiquette that must be observed, but nobody has even mentioned tights before.
I had no idea if this wardrobe stipulation carried any merit, until a flick back through royal weddings and quasi-royal weddings (Pippa) over the past few decades revealed that in every single one, the little girls in the bridal party are all wearing tights, summer or not.
So too all those little pageboys, frequently got up like extras in Mutiny on The Bounty or a toddler production of Les Mis, the poor wee things. I had to ask my poshest friend Georgina, no stranger to society weddings herself, for clarification. Did she notice the Sussex no-tights tangle? of course she did.
‘I remember at the time thinking how ghastly the shoes and bare legs were — it looked very Eurotrashy,’ she poshly bellowed down the line. Did it?
‘oh yah. I mean, leather shoes with no socks or tights? It’s not on, Jan. appalling. Bare legs are fine on flower girls wearing canvas or satin ballet shoes — but even then possibly not at a royal wedding, where a higher degree of formality is expected.’
one imagines this was a refinement that had escaped Meghan but not Kate. Trouble is said to have begun at the wedding rehearsal, where the two battling duchesses went to war over the tights; Kate said the little girls should wear them, Meghan said no way baby, don’t hit me with your dullsville traditions and your pantyhose woes, or words to that effect.
I like to think of the pair of them yanking a tiny pair of tights between them until they ripped in half, each of them absolutely furious. one a Bridezilla on a mission to rid the old world of its fuddy-duddy ways, the other a mother of three with a new baby and each a whirling meteorite of hormones.
Reports say Steely Kate was reduced to tears, but I don’t believe it. She is made of much tougher stuff than 20 denier. It would take a lot more than tightsgate to ladder her composure.
yet even for Kate, weddings are a trial. If your child is lucky enough to be picked to take part, or if you are chosen as an older bridesmaid or matron of honour yourself, you pretty much have to hand yourself over to the bride and be at the mercy of her good or bad taste. and you have to do so with good grace. Decades ago I recall wanting to cry after being trussed up in a paisley print bridesmaid dress, where I loomed about 2ft above the tiny bride, small groom and petite families; a frilly, throbbing pink gigantor casting a shadow over their darling dinkiness. But how lovely of them to ask me! Imagine how hard it must have been for Kate to hand over Charlotte to the sartorial attentions of a woman she barely knew? Brutally hard, considering that she is used to years of controlling every tiny detail of her children’s presentation in public.
AnD whether clapping for carers or meeting the obamas or playing in the garden, they are always immaculately turned out, usually in understated Enid Blyton vintage chic. Such tiffs disrupt many weddings, however, I can’t imagine Kate intervened just to pull rank, which has been denied by Middleton family friends. Isn’t it more likely that her royal experience had taught her not only did tights look neater, but the wearing of them was a mark of respect to the Queen?
So perhaps this is not really about tights at all, but on a deeper level concerns itself with traditions explained and ignored, and advice offered but not accepted. one thing is for sure. Duchesses at dawn was a game of thrones, a battle between two women each used to having their own way; a pair of control freaks who do not like to be thwarted over matters large or small, tights or slights, real or imagined.
Perhaps it is for the best there is now an ocean between them. a real one.