Hampden panel will be on a hiding to nothing

PHONE set on silent, emails ignored. All electronic, socially-distanced equivalents of old-fashioned eye contact strenuously avoided.

Among the gallant band who serve on the SFA’s ‘tribunal candidate list’, the temptation to go dark — or even go AWOL — must have been almost irresistible.

Ever since Scottish football’s latest bare-knuckle brawl was bounced by the Court of Session, these brave souls will have been working out the odds. Maybe even preparing their excuses.

Just put yourself in their shoes. Imagine being invited to deliver a final judgment absolutely guaranteed to provoke accusations of everything from ineptitude to outright corruption.

‘Ah, if only it wasn’t this week. There’s that thing. You know, the conference. Wedding… no, of course, lockdown. Sorry, you’re breaking up…’

The problem lies not with either the system or the individuals appointed to sit in judgment, but in the twisted prism of suspicion through which all subjects are now viewed.

Is there such a thing as an impartial arbiter of justice in Scottish football? Not for those so deeply entrenched on either side of an argument apparently without end.

Whoever is plucked from the list, with both warring parties being allowed one pick each, whichever experienced legal figure those two ‘volunteers’ decide to appoint as their third wheel on the arbitral tribunal, there will be grounds for complaint.

It will start with demands that the individuals be publicly named. And never mind the threats directed at panel members the last time anyone was ‘doxxed’ in this manner.

Even if the trio doing their duty this time around aren’t outed, they know that their work, professionalism and honesty will be traduced by anonymous trolls and, in some cases, club office bearers.

If they endorse the SPFL’s decision to end season 2019-20 on a points-per-game basis, condemning teams to relegation without recourse, uproar will ensue.

Should they decide to overturn that verdict, casting aspersions on the process, the shambolic vote and the backroom politicking that went into winning support? Well, the term ‘civil war’ is bandied about all too readily by commentators on our national game. But it would be the only way to describe the likely fallout. And there are plenty who would deem it not merely a price worth paying, but a necessary evil.

If you doubt the damage being done by this unstoppable enmity, consider SPFL board member Alan Burrows announcing yesterday that he won’t be standing for re-election. The Motherwell chief executive, as almost everyone in football will tell you, is the straightest of shooters. Yet, amid scattergun attacks impugning the aptitude and probity of all league office bearers, Burrows and his fellow board members were inevitably caught in the crossfire.

Do you blame him from deciding he’s done his bit? That some other mug can take the flak for trying to make a difference?

So few seem able to see things except from their own perspective. You must pick a side, it seems, or be derided by both.

Either you declare for Hearts and Partick Thistle, a camp including Rangers for reasons both historic and current.

Or you line up behind the SPFL Establishment. It’s exhausting. Impossible to track every plot and sub-plot, even tougher to take genuine concerns seriously when they are couched in the language of the conspiracy theorist.

There are actually people out there celebrating the possibility of Raith Rovers, a club who have worn their membership of Scottish football’s all-powerful elite rather lightly over the years, going bust. Serves them right, apparently, for sitting top of League One when play was halted. Same goes for Championship winners Dundee United.

We’re currently in a situation where the Scottish Government are yet to confirm the August 1 kick-off for season 2020-21. Yet arguments over the last campaign rage on.

The anger is more than understandable. Bad things have been done to clubs by their peers and rivals. The unfairness of it should make everyone uncomfortable.

Even among the petitioners looking to overturn the popular vote of members, however, there is little agreement on what they really want.

One suspects Hearts would drop co-complainants Partick without a thought if they were offered a place in the top flight next season, no questions asked.

Lurking in the background, meanwhile, Rangers won’t be satisfied until heads roll.

On the other side, the ‘move along, nothing to see here’ brigade are equally strident.

What’s wrong with releasing emails and details of conversations surrounding the vote? What is there to hide?

Sympathies to those who answer this particular call of duty, then. And good luck to a trio tasked with unpicking this particular Gordian knot. You’ll know to switch your phone off next time, won’t you?