AND FINALLY

The garden of life can make you bloom . . .

I WAS talking to a (younger) friend about loneliness, parents and many other things. She said ruefully that when she telephones her mother she’s often admonished for not ringing the day before — or for something else.

The result is…yes… she finds herself reluctant to make that call, because no adult woman likes to be spoken to like a naughty teenager at fault. It’s easy to see how this can start a downward spiral, ending in hurt feelings and irritation.

We talked about inner resources. Many people who live alone have a passion for gardening, reading, sewing, cooking, crafting etc — and the activity makes the lack of human contact easier to bear. Without that something, the hours crawl. Not even binge watching box sets can fill that hole.

The moral of the story is, ‘cultivate your garden’ (as a famous poet once wrote), using the word ‘garden’ as a symbol for anything which gives the inner you something to sustain it.

If you don’t cultivate a hobby/ sport/pastime when you are young, you become an old person with nothing to fall back on. That’s why reader Susan wants me to draw attention to the University of the Third Age, which I’m glad to do.

Loneliness is a perennial issue for this column — both last week and this I’ve featured emails from men so afflicted. Last week, ‘Sam’ made the telling point that people’s emergence from hibernation throws his solitary life into painful contrast.

In response to my effort at an encouraging reply, a lady called J berated me for being ‘utterly useless’ and went on: ‘Before handing out near platitudes on how not to bewail loneliness please get some facts before you write… My words will not make an atom of difference, but may just make you connect with people to whom you write.’

Ouch. Why be so nasty? I’m afraid that lady made me reflect ruefully that sometimes people are lonely because they don’t cultivate kindness as an essential inner resource.