Loneliness locked down of a TV STAR

JOHN BARROWMAN, the perennially upbeat, affable and incontestably happy Mr nice Guy, is feeling uncharacteristically glum. Lockdown for him — a ‘control freak who loves to work’ — has been particularly difficult, he says. As for so many in the entertainment industry, 2020 has been a complete wash out.

‘This is the longest period I’ve been home without travelling. normally I travel and work every weekend. Part of it is frustrating and part of it is depressing.

‘I know some people find it exciting but, personally, I don’t. I’m a control freak at heart, so having the element of not knowing what’s going on and having no control over it . . .’

He sighs. ‘I’ve been depressed to be honest. There have been days through lockdown when I’ve found it difficult to get up.’

The Scot is speaking from his home in Palm Springs, California, where he spent lockdown with his architect husband Scott Gill, whom he married in 2013. They’d only intended to be there for a month when Covid-19 struck.

‘A lot of the friends I speak to on a daily basis are in the UK. If Covid hadn’t happened we’d have been here only for a month.

‘I was going to be working on some stuff in the UK, but that all went out the window. Everything stopped. There’s nothing on the horizon until January.

‘I’m used to being busy, but there are only so many times I could clean the floor or the toilet. By the time I’d done it ten times I was thinking, “oK what do I do now?” Then it just hit me: I don’t have people I can ring up and talk to.’

To hear John talk like this is a shock — he’s the one who’s been keeping everybody’s spirits up on social media over the past five months, but, as anyone in showbusiness will agree, a virtual ‘like’ is not the same as real-life applause.

‘one night, before I went to be bed, Scott said, “What’s wrong with you?” I said, “Everyone’s asking me to make them feel better, but nobody’s making me feel better. I don’t know what to do.”

‘I still did my little videos online for my fan family to help boost other people, which is when I realised, “Who’s around to help me? To talk me through it?”

‘Scott said, “What about me?” I told him it’s different. You’re there for me but you have friends you can call if you want to talk about stuff. It’s made me re-evaluate who is there for you and who isn’t. People you thought would pick up the phone and talk to you haven’t, or maybe I’ve picked the phone up and called them but there’s been no answer.’

John adds: ‘I find it a nightmare not being able to work. There is no real income coming in. There’s nothing. I’ve never been out of work in my life and now I am. It’s devastating.’

There has been one good thing to come out of lockdown, however. These months of enforced reflection and isolation have resulted in ‘an epiphany’ (John’s words) for them both, as it has for many. They are now both serious about wanting to pursue fatherhood — the big question is how.

‘I’d like a child of my own,’ says John. ‘Scott’s more into adopting an older child, but he’s always said to me, “If you’d like to have a baby you do it. I’ll obviously go along with it.”’

‘I said, “It doesn’t work that way. I can’t go out like I’m going to buy a new car.”’

Privately, it turns out John has wanted to become a father for some years, but Scott was less enthusiastic. ‘Having a child is a big decision and a big change,’ says John.

‘Lockdown has made us realise that we’ve a lot of time on our hands. I know I can work less now and spend more time at home, so there’s an epiphany.

‘I’ve been watching a lot of programmes on parenting. I also follow a lot of couples online and on Instagram — younger couples such as [diver] Tom Daley and his husband [Dustin Lance Black].

‘Then I think, “John, you’re 53 and Scott’s 57”. But Elton [John] and David [Furnish] did it later in life, so it can be done.’

ELTon was 63 years old and David 48, when they had their first son, Zachary, via a surrogate in 2010. His brother Elijah was born via the same surrogate three years later.

‘You might be a little older and not able to kick the ball around the football pitch as much as you may have used to, but you can still give love and support,’ explains John.

‘Scott likes the idea of helping older children, say three siblings who need to be adopted and taken care of. We’d love to do something like that, because we’d love to keep a family together. We have a lot of love to offer and a lot of guidance. We feel we could be really good parents.’

If any couple can find a way work out parenthood, they can.

John Barrowman is, of course, the prolific performer who has quietly established himself as one of our best-loved stars.

He’s been in just about every West End musical from Phantom of The opera to Chicago, as well as winning the hearts of children playing the charismatic, bisexual Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who. So popular was his character, it sparked a successful spin off series of his own, Torchwood.

These days, he’s also turned his hand to judging — this year, before lockdown, he replaced Jason Gardiner on the Dancing on Ice panel.

His ‘national treasure’ status was further bolstered last Christmas when he heard about Terrence — the lonely pensioner who had spent the past 20 Christmases on his own.

John was so moved he invited him on to his A Fabulous Christmas Tour in Sheffield and asked the audience to sing to him.

John and Scott have one of the strongest partnerships in showbusiness, having been together for 27 years. ‘I’m the boat on top of the waves and he’s the keel underneath,’ says John.

He met Scott when he was appearing in a production at the Minerva Theatre, Chichester in 1993. Scott had come to watch the play with a mutual friend who brought him backstage afterwards.

‘I saw him at the dressing room door and, of course, I didn’t know who he was but, somehow, I knew he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I needed to get to know him.

‘over the next nine months I kept seeing him on the street [in London],