Heartbroken Humza’s tears for wife after she loses 4 babies in 3 years
Minister and his partner tell of miscarriage hell to help others
‘Nobody talks to you about this’
HUMZA Yousaf was left feeling ‘utterly helpless’ after his wife suffered a miscarriage during lockdown, he revealed yesterday.
In a candid interview the couple, who have a young daughter, revealed they have suffered the loss of four pregnancies in the past three years.
A tearful Mr Yousaf opened up to Holyrood Magazine about the ‘difficult’ period his family had been through. He said he and his wife Nadia El-Nakla had decided to talk about what happened so others could ‘hopefully take comfort and know they’re not alone’.
First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, who has also suffered a miscarriage, praised the couple’s ‘brave account’.
Miss El-Nakla gave birth to their daughter Amal last year after being put on the hormone progesterone. Mr Yousaf said there had been times when he blamed himself and thought they should stop trying for another baby, but they decided they wanted a sibling for Amal.
He said ‘nobody gives you a manual for this kind of stuff’ as he recalled his feelings of helplessness as they lost their child.
The Scottish Justice Secretary told Holyrood Magazine: ‘You watch Hollywood movies or TV programmes and dramas, and the women will go into the toilet cubicle, there will be a bit of blood on the tissue, she will be upset and that’ll be the end, and they will move on to the next scene in the movie.
‘Nobody tells you, in some cases, in our case, in almost all of them, just how horrifically traumatising they’ve been for the woman who’s suffering the miscarriage or going through the physical and emotional elements of it. For me, I just felt utterly helpless, not knowing what to do. Nobody, nobody, talks to you about this stuff. ‘Nobody tells you about everything that miscarriage can entail, not just the physical elements but the emotional elements, and I suppose for me part of talking about it, and it’s taken me years to get to this point, I just hope that other men don’t actually have to buckle up and keep this all to themselves. ‘I really regret the fact that, certainly after the first couple of miscarriages, I really didn’t share this with anyone, and while the focus is rightly on the woman who is physically going through this, men should really talk about it, too.’
Mr Yousaf added: ‘You know, all I could do is just hold her hand and tell her that I was there. But at the same time, I’m trying to process a loss too.
‘So, I’m trying to process a loss that’s happening to both of us but feeling like I’ve got to be the strong one.
‘You’ve got to because if I ended up in total despair thinking about all she’s going through, it’s going to be worse for both of us.’
In 2019, Mr Yousaf married SNP worker Miss El-Nakla after split ting with his first wife, former SNP executive committee member Gail Lythgoe in 2017.
Miss El-Nakla said because her most recent miscarriage happened during lockdown it was ‘even harder for family and friends who wanted to comfort me’. She said: ‘That was probably hardest on my mum, who just wanted to give me a hug, but thankfully at that point in lockdown we could meet in gardens.
‘I remember my best friend sitting in the rain just so she could be there for me.
‘I know I am lucky to have Amal and I have an 11-year-old daughter, Maya, from my previous marriage. So, when people say you are blessed, you know that already, but it doesn’t take away the pain of what you have lost.
‘Emotionally, too, you are hurting. Your dream of your baby is gone. I would phone in sick to work. I would tell people I was off sick rather than I had miscarried.
‘And then I would tell, like, my boss and my friends, and then maybe later I would tell other people, but you can tell it makes people uncomfortable.
‘I don’t need for people to tell me I’m lucky to have kids or say anything about why it didn’t work when they don’t know either. But I do just need to have a space to process my sadness, my grief, and our loss.’
Miss Sturgeon, who is married to SNP chief executive Peter Murrell, responded with her support for her cabinet minister on Twitter.
She said: ‘It’s an experience my husband and I had just once, but it never leaves you. We don’t talk about all this enough.’