Yes! The cheap, tiny ring says it all

DOM SAYS:

Here’S one thing I can tell you about men — we don’t like fuss. And when it comes to weddings, well, there is such a lot of it.

I know that when I proposed, it never even occurred to me to think about all the effort that goes into a wedding. I did get quite irritated with all the plans and endless decisions about canapes and things. I remember thinking: ‘What’s the rush? It’s a year away.’

That said, I knew that I did want to get married. I knew from the day I met Steph that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

Within three months, I’d mooted the idea of marriage and, just over a year after we met, I got down on one knee.

I know it’s not the same for everyone. Many are happy with a slower burn, but it seems clear to me that your fiancé doesn’t want the ceremony, the ring, or the piece of paper that says you are married.

He has spent the past four years shying away from all the palaver, but now he has the option of doing away with the reception and the rest of it, and quietly becoming your husband, he’s still saying no. So I’m afraid I agree with you — he simply doesn’t want to do it.

From what you’ve told us about the tiny ring and the fancy car, he’s clearly a little tight, and more interested in spending money on himself than on you.

If your fiancé was genuinely concerned about the cost of a big bash — and weddings do cost a fortune — then the current restrictions provide a good opportunity to get away with a cheaper wedding. His refusal to countenance this shows it is not about money. It’s about the fact he doesn’t want to get married.

The time has come to face that and decide what you want to do about it.

You have been together for eight years and you say he proposed after a row. He clearly didn’t want to lose you then, and you’ve spent four happy years together since, so nothing suggests he wants to lose you.

In this day and age, getting married really is a private choice between a couple. Nobody else cares any more. So you need to decide how much you care.

Be honest with yourself. If you feel you’ll spend the rest of your life feeling like he doesn’t love you quite enough, then give him an ultimatum: set a date or you leave. But you must be prepared to follow through.

A final thought: you say that, at 40, you’re too old to find someone else. What tosh! Of course you are not too old.

Decide what you want — and go out and get it!