Ephraim Hardcastle
PRinCE Andrew’s solitary entry in the royal accounts – £15,848 for three days at golf ’s Open at Portrush – is only a fraction of the money spent on him before his sacking last november. Because it cost less than the £15,000 threshold, his additional four days at Portrush for his young golfers’ tournament isn’t listed – neither are official visits to China, South Korea, Canada, Singapore, Australia, Abu Dhabi and Thailand. How much did they cost? We shall never know, as funds came from a combination of Commonwealth realms and Andrew’s now defunct Pitch@Palace charity.
LAMENTING his inability to vote, Harry was born far too late to avail of the Queen’s mock election campaign for younger sons Andrew and Edward in 1974. She organised speakers with fake manifestos, promising free sweets and other kiddie treats, as well as ballot boxes. It wasn’t an unqualified success. One page of honour fell asleep before polling.
DiAnE Abbott remains a stalwart of the Jeremy Corbyn fan club, describing him as a ‘fundamentally nice person’, adding: ‘He did his best to be nice to people, to put his arms around them, and they weren’t nice back.’ if Jezza grows onions in his allotment he should dig one up and peel it for Diane.
BARONESS Nicky Morgan, pictured, now unlikely to pip Charles Moore at the post for the BBC chairmanship, accepts an invitation to appear on Have I Got News For You. Let’s hope she turns up. Last time she failed to show after criticising Theresa May’s £995 leather trousers. Nicky was replaced by a £1,000 leather handbag.
FREQUEnTlY asked which Roman emperor most resembles Donald Trump, Dame mary Beard responds: ‘i usually name Elagabalus.’ Few of her inquisitors realise his third century reign was blighted by sex scandals. He had a reputation for extreme eccentricity, decadence and zealotry. He was also an early transgender figure. Fake news, Donald?
HEART-THROB TV historian Dan Snow describes his dramatic transformation from an ‘ugly 15-year-old skinny giraffe-like pre-pubescent’ to a confident young man, telling Susannah Constantine’s podcast: ‘I didn’t have a mirror in my room, but I looked at the double-glazing on my window and I saw this guy with a six-pack – and I was like “Who is that?”’ Perhaps he should check the Dorian Gray-like portrait in the attic in case it resembles the nerd he left behind?
SPiTTinG image co-creator Roger law blames ian Hislop for scuttling the original show’s breakthrough into the lucrative US market. The Private Eye editor was then a young scriptwriter on Spitting image and had written a sketch about President Ronald Reagan. ‘He had recently announced he had skin cancer,’ recalls law. ‘We featured him with a plaster on his nose. The show was pulled in its entirety.’