He won’t want to cancel plans now

DOM SAYS:

And, just like that, Christmas has started. In my house I’m thought of as a bit of a ‘Bah, Humbug’ type, but deep down I love it. What I hate is the unecessary gluttony, waste and expense that gets thrown at it every year and, of course, the endless politics over who’s going where and staying with whom.

If not handled well, this issue will immediately cause friction — as it has in our household.

I sympathise with you as I don’t know at what stage a spouse finally realises that all decisions about Christmas have to be made together. Throughout the past three years of writing this column, one thing I’ve noticed is that the nub of most problems is communication.

Time and again, Steph and I have advised people to sit down and talk through whatever it is that’s bothering them. And here is that issue again. Your husband has forged on without you. He would do well to remember that a partner is just that.

In my mind, and I’m sure yours too, he has already ruined

Christmas. He’s moved the goalposts and upped t he pressure levels without discussing it with you.

He won’t want to cancel now because he won’t want to say: ‘My wife doesn’t want you to come to us.’

not only would t hat be embarrasing, it also implies he isn’t the head of the household.

The thing is, this is an annual issue. Who goes where, who cooks for whom, your parents, my parents,

But this year, of all years, one could have expected a bit of a break from those nightmare questions. We’ve all had a hideous time and we’re still enduring a pandemic. I am astounded that anybody is willing to open their doors without seriously discussing the implications of doing such a thing.

You’re going to be nine people, and personally, I can’t imagine how you’d be able to socially distance around the house, what with a table crammed full, not to mention shared bathrooms and cramped sleeping arrangements. I agree with you that it would be awful to see your parents left out.

Come all or come none has always been my philosophy — and as we’re limited to three households this year we must take great care of the feelings of those who don’t make it into those bubbles.

The other thing that you might point out to your husband is that lockdown has made us all more tense. This year we’re all going to have to try to hold our tempers over the table.

So, I’m right behind you. Tell him no. You have my f ull support — and my best wishes for Christmas to be just as you want it.