More holiday camp Santa than Ho-Ho-Ho
SOMe years ago, I was arranging the Christmas party for the infants at Craighurst School in liverpool. The caretaker, harry, confided in me that he had always wanted to play Father Christmas. As he was the right size and shape, and was good with the children, I invited him to take on the part. delighted, he accepted. For the next few weeks he could be heard rehearsing his ‘ho! ho! ho!’ at every opportunity, until I had to ask him to stop in case the children guessed what was going on. The day of the party arrived and the children congregated in the hall, expectantly waiting for Santa’s arrival. excitement mounted as bells could be heard jingling outside and I announced we had a visitor. The doors to the hall were flung open — Santa had arrived! Unfortunately, the well-rehearsed ‘ho-ho-ho!’ became — to my horror, but to the amusement of the staff — ‘hi-de-hi!’ Unperturbed, the children shouted back ‘ho-deho!’ and the party continued.
Gwen Whittle, Liverpool.
Outofthe mouthsofbabes
MANY years ago, we took our two daughters to see Father Christmas in a department store in leytonstone, east london. We had to climb up a long, winding open staircase to get to the grotto. halfway up the packed staircase, my youngest, who was then three years old, suddenly said in her loudest voice: ‘daddy, when are you going back to prison?’ My husband had just returned from a month’s course to train as a prison officer!
Christine Dixon, Nottingham.
Anagram
Prince William and Kate’s first NHS whistle-stop tour = Simple train trips with wife to thank all nurses, docs Tony Crafter, Sevenoaks, Kent.
WordyWise
TURNKEY DINNER — a meal in the prison officers’ mess. BOAST GOOSE — snobby neighbours believe that their roast is better. PLUMP PUDDING — a well-filled dessert. BRANDY MUTTER — Cognac connoisseurs discuss the tipple. MAXED NUTS — card-holders reach their spending limit. CHRISTMAS CAVE — Santa’s grotto. PULLED WINE — old bottles, past drinkable date, are removed from the cellar. CHRISTMAS POD — hopefully gone by next Christmas.
John Cuthbertson, Durham.
Joke
WhY do batteries feel lonely? Because they’re never included in anything.
Chuck Welch, houston, Texas.